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A ritual performed in ancient times to appease the Twinkie God.

Directions:

  1. Prepare the Sacrifice
    • Remove the Holy Twinkie from its protective wrapping
    • Raise the Holy Twinkie towards the Sun
    • Scream wildly
  2. Place the Holy Twinkie upon the altar.
  3. Raise the plastic knife high above the sacrifice.
  4. Recite the Prayer to the Twinkie God:


  5. "Oh Lord of Hostess,
    guardian of the Cream Filling,
    bless us with thine powdered sugar."


  6. Strike the sacrifice with the plastic knife.
  7. Feast and rejoice! (serves one)