10 Reasons Why I'm Not Single (idea)

Platonic blowjob	Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel no compulsion to get up from the table	Having someone wrapped around you, looking into your eyes, inches away from your face, smiling the cutest smile in the world and giving you quick little kisses on the nose is the greatest feeling anywhere ever	Why I hate being single
platonic making out	Lamenting over past "whatevers"	Wandering about with keys dangling from an oversized shoelace around your neck	My eyes change color when I kiss someone
plutonic backrub	The Marriage of Pingouin and Knifegirl	Carpal Tunnel Syndrome	So
The Theory of Evolution is not a valid theory	Monotonously incessant self debasement is spiritually malignant	100 Worst Britons	How to give your man a good backrub
You're not from around here, are you?	Blowing your nose is the greatest feeling in the world	the not-so-concise guide to not getting divorced