The art of the tip: A pizza delivery boy special (idea)

In The Everything Guide to Being a Pizza Driver, I went through the points that will help a pizza delivery driver maximize his or her income. Now, I put forth a guide to the people who make it all possible: the consumers. Without your help, pizza drivers will slowly fade from existence, becoming only fond memories and icons of yesteryear, stories told around the fire about how the last of their breed resorted to bicycles once their cars broke down and they couldn't afford to fix them. Eventually they will become myth, and that will fade to legend, and even legend will be forgotten...
Now you know what it would be like if Robert Jordan ever noded.

Even if you're poorer than dirt, if you are ordering pizza and not eating ramen, you have enough money to tip. Consider a base tip of $1. You should never tip lower than this unless the driver is being a bastard to you. Note that getting your pizza to your door almost an hour after you ordered it, when the guy on the phone said it would only be 30 minutes, is not the driver being a bastard. Go read the Guide to find out why it's not the driver's fault.

Here are reasons you should consider raising the tip:

• For every pie beyond the first four, add 50 cents. Any more than four pies makes it awkward for the driver to carry.
• For every full flight of stairs the driver has to climb to get to your door (elevators don't count), add 25 cents.
• If you live in an apartment complex, add 25 cents - the driver has to figure out the numbering/addressing system of your complex - and more like than not, it will be different from every other complex in town.
• If the outside temperature is above 90 or below 40, add 25 cents.
• If you are having a pizza delivered during rush hour, a game day, or any other time in which traffic is heinous, add 25 cents.
• If you live at the edge of the delivery area - or more than 2 miles from the store - add 25 cents.
• If it is raining, add 25 cents.
• If there is severe weather, such as hail, high winds, an electrical storm, tornados, sleet, freezing rain, or snow, add 50 cents to $1.
• If the driver looks exhausted or unhappy, add up to a dollar - likely the poor chap has been getting stiffed all night.
• If you have a steady source of income, add $1.
• If you have a steady source of income and make more than $30,000 a year yourself, add $1.