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I think I may have let my finger slip off the pulse of youth culture. This observation occurred to me while watching TV on a bleary saturday morning over a bowl of Oolong's very fine vegan peanut butter and pear juice porridge, and realising that I hadn't recognised a single one of the so-called 'celebrities' on Top of the Pops or CD:UK for over half an hour.

Two of these were, apparently, 'everywhere' on TV nowadays, These two are, apparently, known as the 'Cheeky Girls'. Apparently.

19 year old sisters Monica and Gabriel Irimia hail from Transylvania (though it seems not from the planet Transsexual), and they've somehow become famous by repetitively demonstrating their lack of talent on something called Popstars. And now they have a hit single.

And just to clear up any ambiguity here, 'Cheeky' refers to... umm... bottoms. This is made quite clear not only by the subtitle of the song, but also by the fact that the dance number which accompanies the song is basically the sisters shaking their too-small-to-be-truly-attractive rear ends around a lot. It's truly, truly bewildering.

If you really feel you must, you can visit http://cheeky-girls.co.uk.

Their hit single was, of course, written for them by their mother. I'm torn between dismissing it as the most vacuous piece of trash ever set to song, or a genius work of parody for which Mrs Irimia should be hailed as a brilliant satirist and quite possibly the saviour of the music industry. Answers on the back of a pair of hot pants please.

-- call

Ooh, boys, cheeky girls
Ooh, girls, cheeky boys

(repeat x4)

I never ever ask where do you go
I never ever ask what do you do
I never ever ask whats in your mind
I never ever ask if you'll be mine

Don't ask why
Don't be shy
Touch my bum
This is life

We are the cheeky girls
We are the cheeky girls
You are the cheeky boys
You are the cheeky boys

(repeat ad nauseam)

Mmm, cheeky... cheeky.

Mrs. Irimia