I like redgirlie.
It started not so long ago. I read a writeup or two of hers, found it interesting, sent a /msg or two, received the same. I found her nodes interesting, intriguing – I wanted to know who this person was. I read the last 20 or so of her nodes, and began /msging more – I sent her a letter and a black and white photograph.
She responded with glee, it seemed. It felt so wonderful, to interact with someone who appreciated my silly little quirks, and responded to them, someone who though I was a nice person for these things. She was good with math, had an incredibly high node-fu, wrote interesting writeups, and was really nice. I read the remainder of her writeups, communicated with her more, generally had a good ol’ time.
I read the writeups, about old boyfriends, about relationships failed or that never happened, and it bothered me. redgirlie seemed to be such a good person – smart, interesting, good to talk with, nice – she is all these things. And I wanted her. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to spend time with her, converse, have fun, and just enjoy her company. I wanted to be the good person she deserved. We spent a fair amount of time sending /msgs back and forth, sharing little snippets of our lives, listening, thinking.
Then I read her day log for October 16, 2001 – the things she wants in a boyfriend – and they were all the things describing the sort of boyfriend I would want to be.
Oh! How it hurts! I like her so, yet I know that it is ridiculous to think that a relationship between us could occur, nor do I expect it or believe it to be the right course of things. We live on opposite sides of the country, I am four years her senior, and neither of us have any intention of moving any time soon. We are at different points in our lives. Perhaps that it as it should be.
As things are right now, I am happy to send and receive /msgs and letters. Her /msgs brighten my day – I hope mine do the same for her. Right now, this is all wonderful, and I am not looking for, nor do I want anything more. If, though, in a few years, we were both in the same city or general vicinity, I certainly wouldn’t mind things changed and became more than they are right now.