Hello, friends from Behr (author of multiple Pulitzer Prize winning factual writeups on this website). I would like to address some timely issues with you.
The movie Free Willy needs to be outlawed on account of not being factual along with 4,912 films I have also deemed wrong and uninformative due to incorrectness and reliance on science, an awful thing that has been proven wrong many times and needs to be abandoned in place of the model Mike Pence will provide when he prepares to ascend the throne. You will see it in your lifetime. Christ will take your lives right the fuck over in just a few short years and you will be flayed and the fucking piercings you got will be ripped out of your body by half-man, half-bull creatures called centaurs as seen in the movie Dog Day Afternoon with top ranked stars in it you can find probably in a Blockbuster video store although they have been mostly run out of town by out of control anti-business liberal types (the ones you and I spit on for fun before abducting and torturing their families).
Well, work camps in America are not far off, aboveground ambassador Mike Pence told me as we enjoyed a stew of children's beating hearts over an open flame of bone and flesh. He says a plan will go forward after the Miller Report is suppressed and Congress is disbanded. It will be the kind of America worth living in for a change (as it was for a period in the 1970s before the whole thing with Nixon that was shameful on behalf of the fake news outlet Washington Post which is a liberal funded dirt rag you can wipe your ass with if out of Charmin). Leaves also. Substitutional items. Sometimes not in season. Check local listings. Masturbate before a first date with someone but DO NOT before the second date on account of erections needing to be present on second dates for the sex that happens when you trick her into the ladies' room after two cocktails (well drinks only for bitches).
He is uncertain about the death camps for doctors because he says that sounds like "iffy Christian Science doctrine" he does not subscribe to but he wants to make sure we end abortion as do I because they only do those to harvest shit for doctors to use on "science-based" bullshit you and me both know is clearly, MOST DEFINELY fake news. I'm your boogie man. Understand? I meet you and I WILL punch you as hard as I can with my X-Man type hand and we will remain friends after, but male or female you will be FOREVER UNABLE to have children not just in this life but in any others you have planned for all eternity. Do you understand the nature of friendship as well as I do? You will after I destroy you ability to procreate, never apologize, never offer to help get "medical assistance" (because science is not truth-based AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD), and we remain friends?
Understand, my friends?
Especially you, the one who feels really uncomfortable right now. I dated your sister or cousin or mom and I took her dignity. You and I remain friends. Understand now, motherfucker? DO YOU?
Well, The Big Guy has a mandatory fun camp where we will be playing toss with the burning heads of nuns who were generally likeable, well respected, and considered role models for many children who grew up by mistake infected with liberalism which, we all know sends you straight to Hades and not with rank. Not by a long shot. You will be tortured in many, many ways by the people who deserve the most power in Hades, Joan Crawford, the Fuhrer, Chris Farley, and Hansel from Hansel and Gretel.
I love you, my friends.
Hope you are well. Time to go win with those heads. Team Joan has game.
I love you. I desire and deserve to be inside you.
All of you.
My friends.