I recently started an experiment wherein I write a year's worth of monographs. My infatuation with the form dates back to my Senior English teacher, who made an off-hand comment once in class about the French method of the essay. She was standing at the back of the room, rifling through a filing cabinet, and said over her shoulder "in a French essay you walk all around a subject looking at it from many different angles". I can't say that I remember another word of the lesson; so transfixed was I by the concept she had just exposed.

To discuss a topic by illuminating the parts around it. I had long been fascinated by the concept of negative space in art, of drawing the things around an object and not the object itself. But only at that moment did I see that this technique's clear application to the written word. I made many attempts at the form, most of which can be found at everything2. Writing about syndromes, the taxonomy of animals, stones, diseases, blood vessels, painters, fashionistas, comedians, porn stars and writers taught me to tell the truth in an interesting, readable way. I will forever be indebted to this community of writers for teaching me how not to suck.

But I have something else to ask. I would like you to write for garlandgrey. Take a look at the submission guidelines1 and see if there is anything you might be willing to write for the cause. Here, I feel that I can show my hand a little to you, who have known me for 5 years and have seen me at my best and worst: I care deeply about this. This is my baby, my big roll of the dice, the best writing I'm capable of so far. If this fails, I'll be back on the horse, but I won't be nearly as adventurous.

So, as a favor to me, consider it. I'm not saying that if you send something in, it will automagically2 be accepted; I have high standards for myself and garlandgrey. But I am saying that I will work with you and edit anything that has something important to say. Think about it as Garland's Wager: If garlandgrey goes nowhere, you wrote something, it got posted, and you had practice writing. But if garlandgrey becomes wildly popular, with millions of readers, a spin off television show, and a book deal, won't you feel like a boob for not writing a few words? I hope to hear from you.

Thank you.

Edit: It is now one year later. I'm the greatest. Garland Motherfuckin' Grey OUT.


  1. http://garlandgrey.com/posts/text/4722757
  2. Yes, I know. You hate the word automagically. You are the biggest collection of nitpicks on the planet.