Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow
Happy Birthday Herbman!!
10:05 BST
It was raining, so I caught the bus into work. Just getting to the bus shelter soaked me right through, undoing the ironing that I had done to make myself smart for the salespeople meeting me today. It was raining heavily and the water was using the pavement's mortar lines to travel in geometric patterns around my feet. The ants were fleeing the water in an entomological atlantis; as they scuttled away, the water hit a piece of chewing gum. The water spread out in a fractal rorschach test for me; I saw a nuclear mushroom cloud and a forest of oak trees.
13:25 BST
I was handed a business card by one of the salespeople I met. There was an awkward moment until he realised that I couldn't reciprocate. I don't have a business card. What would my card say? "General Software Dogsbody"? or possibly "Oily Rag, please contact mechanic for more information"?
Went into town and successfully resisted buying any books, clothes or CDs. Yay for me!
I've discovered that I will be in Amsterdam from the 4th to the 13th of September. It also looks like I will be considered permanently on "Company Time" - preventing me from visiting a cafe to drink coffee and smoke cannabis :(
15:35 BST
Just got back from a "frank talk" with my Project Leader and General Manager. They've had the "feeling" that "I wasn't giving the job 100%". Well no shit, Sherlock! It's precisely because of your "Give us what we want for 2 months and we'll consider treating you better after that" attitude that has ground me down to a cynical, depressed and demotivated bastard. So I had to listen to half an hour of them stroking each others egos and reinforcing their selfish needs. Just listening to their souless corporate monotone made me even more demotivated.
The worst thing is that I feel so trapped. There's so many reasons why I can't leave this job, why I can't take the risk: I don't drive or believe in cars therefore I can't take jobs outside a tight radius. I have a lot of debt, so I can't finance a move or buying a car or training myself up. I have no qualifications to speak of therefore I can't go for a better job. I hate corporate bullshit therefore I don't get on well with good corporate bunnies. I love Unix and open source therefore I don't get on well with the Microsoft Lovers.
Dang! I really need a chill pill, don't I (/me smiles wearily)