etard

Well, hmmm...To begin, I'm sitting here in thought, trying to figure out exactly what to say, to narrow down the fine points about myself to give you a better understanding of..well, Me. Basically, right now, I'm not in school, I'm not working, I'm in the middle of trying to determine where my life and the lives of those around me are going to lead me.I'm young, I feel old, I'm trying to see what there is in this little world that confuses me so much. My parents were'nt rich, although I've always had a nice life. My father went to Ithica College (in NY) back in the day. My mom married him the day after her high school graduation at 17, ( When I would say ,"But Maaaaa, you were already married at my age.." , she would respond with," but times were different in those days, we were facing the draft..") I have an older bother and sister, both of whom were married at my age. I guess being the youngest gives you the right to rebell a little, which I took full advantage of... Everyone was too obsessed wih the older kids to pay much attention to the little one who was,"Too young to do any harm." I grew up sort of having that withdrawn feeling, I felt too young to be with the older kids ( I was always the youngest, the baby, even graduated the youngest in my class.) So all through my life I experienced the search for self, the search for independance, the want to be one of the older kids..even in my own way I was the most outgoing intraverted girl I knew or ever met.I wasn't the thrill seeker, the outlansish slut or the juvie, but I can say that for my age I've experienced almost everything tramatic, almost everything heartbreaking, almost everthing you could imagine that would destroy a girl who just wanted to be with her "group". Why am I writing this, you ask? Not to make you feel any pity for me or to make you accept me, but to let you know where the thoughts in my head come from. I write a lot of sad poetry, a lot of truth in emotion,I can be blunt while being knowledgable, I say what I've seen, I give out advice and I love to help and to be there for everyone. There is noone I would turn away a friendship from, noone that I won't forgive, nothing you can do to make me hate you...I have been to college, I've been into modeling, I have been published (Once, just a poem.), I have been a teachers assistant for a first grade class,I have taken in the homeless and let them stay in my home, I hope to go back to school this year and become either a psychologist dealing with troubled adolescents or a counselor. Once I turned 18, I moved over 300 miles from the safe haven of my parents house, scince that point I've lived in 3 other states and now in the hellish state of Florida. Yet, I'm currently not even old enough to drink. I guess the piont of my story is that, no matter what you've been through, there is no end to the possibilites of what you can discover, attain, or whom you will meet along the way. There really isn't anything that you're SUPPOSED to do, nothig that you HAVE to do, nothing that you're not capable of doing, as long as you have the motivation. Well, enough of the lecturing, or whatever that burst of emotional jibberish was... Once you get to know me, and hear what I have to contribute to the madness, you hopefully will see that I'm just as much the mental arcitect, just as much the sillyass, and just as much the irresponsible fun-seeking individual as the next guy or the first guy....or girl