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I almost got hit by a car today. It was a brand new car too; it would have been a shame to muss it up with my hot, steaming, entrails.

So, I'm crossing the street (at a crosswalk mind you), when a silver car in front of me starts to take a left hand turn. I raise my hand in hope that the dumb bastard (as he shall be refered to, henceforth]) will slow the fuck down. Well, TDB is blind. I manage to jump out of the way (like a ninja) by a meter or two and the dumb bastard is still moving at full tilt. I do an about face and consider giving him the bird, but then I reconsider, since it's not a good idea to aggravate someone who nearly hit you with his car.

I turn around, feeling remarkably calm, and a previously unnoticed frat boy working on his tan on the other side of the road says:"I can be a witness if you want to sue."