October 20, 2002 (idea)

The world we live in....how I loathe it so.

It's Saturday and it's raining, again. I feel like today is going to be^{the day}. Today, I am finally going to start living my life, start doing what I have always told myself I was going to do.

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep, avoiding the thoughts that we'd have to speak, and this bottle of beast is taking me home.

Today is going to be the day I am going to break free of the prison that modern culture has sentenced me to serve time in.

Liberate my madness, I just want to liberate my madness.

I woke up at around one thirty in the afternoon. Slept on my friend's couch cuz the apartment I just moved into doesn't have a bed in it yet, doesn't feel like home yet. I started thinking about my life, life in general, and what exactly I want to do with the opportunities I have been given.

The earthly power sucks shadowed milk from sleepy tears undone. From nippled skin as smooth as silk, the bugles blown as one. You lie there with your eyes half closed like there's no-one there at all. There's a tension pulling on your face. Come on, come talk to me.

We all know this pattern of thought, of questioning, of self-examination, and as a philosopher, I tend to head down this path quite often.

Anyway, I am constantly in a state of struggle within the self. I am pulled in so many different directions, and even though I know what path I should be taking, I constantly hold myself back from it.

A side step thing has come to be a brilliant stance where, nobody cares at all. Nobody cares at all. Buried all your lovers clothes and burned the letters lovers wrote, but it doesn't make it any better, doesn't make it any better.

But for some reason, today I felt like I was going to finally take that first step towards freedom.

So called facts are fraud, they want us all to allege and pledge and bow down to their God. Lost the culture, the culture lost. Spun our minds and through time our ignorance has taken over.

I didn't.

I didn't and now I am tired and weary, and frustrated because all I have been able to contribute to this community in the last three or four months is daylogs. Rants and rants of bullshit that I totally had the power to avoid, but I chose not to and continue to

Remember to breath, and everything will be ok. It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.

Today wasn't the day, but maybe tommorow will be.

How can I go home with nothing to say, I know you're going t o look at me that way. And say what did you do out there and what did you decide, you said you needed time, you had time.