Stupid fucking shit...
Hung out at my favorite
coffee shop/bar tonight, and had drink after drink after drink... But when I came home, I decided that instead of passing out like I should, I would eat some
food and watch
Oprah. WELL.
I ended up losing it right there in my kitchen. The show was all about gynecological
oncologists, and how certain doctors deal with telling their patients that they are going to
die. At first, I tried to sit there and watch it with a straight face, but after a few minutes, I felt the corners of my
eyes scrunching up with that familiar "I'm gonna cry, and there ain't nothing you can do about it" feeling.
I refuse to cry, I refuse to cry... I hate crying; I hate crying about my
mother, especially. It makes me feel weak, and it makes it hurt even more to think that I'm still not over it after
six fucking years...
So while sitting there, stomping my foot, and yelling in my head to shut the hell up and stop my goddamn
crying, I had the
breakdown of all breakdowns.
Drunk + Touchy subject= bad shit. Why her? Why ANYONE? Why do people have to be left on this earth, hurting this bad, wanting nothing more than their
loved ones back? Why couldn't she see me graduate high school, why couldn't she help me through being
pregnant, and why, especially, did I have to lose my best friend, my most special link on this planet?
Mopping up my tears, I got out the
chocolate ice cream, and switched to an
infomercial.
Like I said... stupid shit.