The giving of gifts in Japan is so much more than it
is in the west. It is a form of social communication
with a set of rules all its own. Gifts can be given
to say thank you or sorry. Gifts are also given to
people you will be working with that you are meeting
for the first time. Likewise, when visiting someone's
home for the first time it is customary to bring a
gift. Knowing how much to spend on a present for
someone can be tricky; you don't want to spend too
much as this will cause tension and put the recipient
into "social debt" with you. Likewise, you don't
want to insult your host or new friend by
cheapening out. For newcomers to Japan, it is
perhaps best to ask for the help of Japanese friends
when choosing what to buy.
Do's and Don't's
Do not give green tea as it is reserved for funerals
and memorial services. Combs are a big no-no since
the word for comb, kushi, is a combination of
ku (suffering) and shi (death), it
is a symbolic double whamie that would put you on the
wrong side of anyone. Clothes that touch the skin can
not be given to the elderly, as it is seen as
too intimate a gift. Socks are an
exception to this rule. Lastly, never give sets of
four, since the word for four also means death.
When giving a gift to someone do not be surprised if
they put it aside without opening it. This is
standard Japanese custom. It is a face saving
technique, should the gift not meet the standards or
expectations of the receiver, it prevents the
possibility of embarrassment. In my experience, this
is not always the case, however, and I have watched my
gifts both pushed aside and saved for a later time, as
well as ripped open before my eyes. When receiving a
gift, I ask if it is OK to open it right then and
there, or in situations that are more formal, I have
done the traditional thing.
Handmade things are not as highly appreciated as
store bought gifts as they are considered cheaper.
This is not true of home baked items, however, and I
have seen my fellow teachers gush over my cookies and birthday cake.
Depato store gifts, wrapped at the store with
labeled paper, are very much appreciated. This is
because it shows that you have made the effort to go
downtown, rather than to a local store.
Wrap carefully in Japanese rice paper, the most important part of the gift. Content is less important than form. As you reach the level of Gift Master, your need to give and receive actual gifts will gradually disappear. A hollow box of rice paper will be enough.
Wicked Japanese for the Business Traveler
Wrapping is terribly important and beyond the scope of
this write up. It is probably best that you have
important gifts (for your boss, for local
VIPs)
wrapped by the professionals. There are books
dedicated to the subject and only the brave dare wrap
gifts by themselves.
If you are offered a gift, it is customary to
initially refuse it, perhaps as often as two or three
times. The giver of the gift will be well acquainted
by this verbal dance and insist that you take the
gift anyway. It is known that in the end you will
accept the present.
Omiyage Madness
Omiyage are gifts of souvenirs brought back
from a holiday trip. Leaving work to take a holiday
entails a sense of shame or of "letting the team
down" and it is imperative that the perpetrators of
this crime soothe relations at the office or workplace
by bringing back a small trinket for each and every
co-worker. Omiyage need not be large or expensive.
Often, a box of cookies or speciality baked goods from
the area of travel are enough. It is also much easier
to transport a box or two of biscuits than individual
gifts. Supervisors and other head honchos should be
presented with slightly more expensive and individual
gifts.
Now, the ever resourceful Japanese have come up with a
very unique solution to the omiyage
obligation. Stores located near major train
stations throughout the country sell specialties from
every region you might have traveled to. Instead of
lugging back pickled vegetables from Kyushu, you
can pick them up in Tokyo when you disembark from
the train. Even if someone finds out that you did
your shopping locally, your obligation has been
fulfilled and everyone is happy.
People have also thought of new ways to make use of
gifts purchased at these stores. The story goes that
they are commonly used as alibis: after a weekend
spent at the love hotel, a gift purchased at a
regional specialty store is a face-saving proof that a
wayward salaryman was actually on a business
trip.
Japan Lonely Planet
Gifts of Cash
Gifts of cash are presented in a special envelope
(noshibukuro). These are tied with a
special cord in either a knot or a bow depending
on the occasion. The color of the cord is likewise
significant. It is very important to never give a
monetary gift of 4000¥, 40, 000¥ etc, since
the number four can be translated as shi
(death). Finally, it is customary to give crisp, new
bills for a wedding, as it symbolizes the couple's new
life together, and to give old notes for a funeral, as
it is symbolic of being caught unprepared for an
untimely death.
Occasion Cord Colour Style Salutation
Wedding Red&White or Gold&Silver Knot Kotobuki or Gokekkoniwai
Congratulations Red&White Bow Oiwai
Thank you Red&White Bow Onrei
Get Well Red&White Knot Omimai
Job Transfer Red&White Knot Gosenbetsu
Buddhist Funeral Black&White or Yellow&Gray Knot Okouden or Goreizen
Christian Funeral Black&White or Yellow&Gray Knot Ohanaryou or Goreizen
Times for gift giving
- Oshogatsu (New Year)
-
Friends and associates exhange postcards through the
mail. Cards posted by the 20th of December will be
held by the post office and delivered on the 1st of
January. Children get cash from their relatives.
- Oseibo
This is the year end exchange of food, coffee and
liquor that can be used during the holidays, generally
given to superiors. Gifts should be in the 3,
000¥-5, 000¥ range. A thank you card is
generally given and a return gift is often presented
at Ochugen. Popular gifts of whiskey, ham,
cooking oil, fruit and canned goods, are available,
prepackaged, at special areas in department stores. The
gifts can be delivered for you by the store, but it is
considered good manners to deliver the gifts
yourself.
- Ochugen
This is similar to the gift exchange during
Oseibo. The time for presenting gifts of
easily prepared food is strictly between the 1st and
13th of July. Again, you should aim for the 3,
000¥-5, 000¥ range. Like at Osiebo
gifts and delivery services are available at
department stores.
- Go-Kekkon Iwai (Wedding)
Usually a substantial cash gift is given at the
reception desk upon arrival. How much you give will depend on your relationship with the person who invited you. For an aquaintance, you can get away with 20, 000¥. For closer friends and relatives, you should be giving in the 30, 000-60, 000¥ range. (This is hundreds of dollars!!!) If you also want to give
a gift, it should be mailed to the bride's house a
week prior to the ceremony. Guests usually receive a
bag of gifts after the ceremony and occasionally
newlyweds may bring back gifts from their
honeymoon.
- Go-Shussan Iwai (New Baby)
Gifts of toys, clothes and cash are given a week after
the birth of a healthy child. It is important that
you make sure that the baby is healthy before
presenting the new parents with any gifts. A return
gift of a simple wooden bowl or cup with the baby's
name on it is usually given.
- Ososhiki (Funeral)
Buddhist funerals are held on the Chinese calendar
funeral day closest to the death. Guests usually
bring 3, 000¥. Guests usually receive a gift in
return. At one time it was standard to give
department store coupons to guests, that was, until
hoards of unknown guests began to arrive and take more
than their fair share.
- Omimai (Hospital Visit)
It is usual to give cut flowers or books when visiting
someone in the hospital. Plants are not given as the
roots symbolize a long stay in the hospital.
Likewise, camellias are not given as the way the
blossons drop reminds the Japanese of death.
- Go Nyu-gaku Iwai (Entrance into School)
School related items like books and maps are given
following a child's entry into elementary school.
Gifts are usually in the 1, 000¥-2, 000¥
range. And thank you card is usually given in return
and occasionally sekiban (rice cooked with
red beans) is also given. This is a very nice gesture
to make to a neighbour or friend.
- Tanjobi Iwai (Birthday)
Traditionally everyone's birthday was celebrated at
New Year's, but now birthday parties and gift gifting
are common among the younger generations. The type
and value of the gift will depend on your
relationship.
- Hikkoshi Aisatsu (Moving in)
On moving into a building or neighbourhood it is
customary for newcomers to introduce themselves to
neighbours and present them with a small gift.
Traditionally, this should be a dish towel and
specially wrapped boxes of these are available at most
department stores.
- Osenbetsu (Leaving a Town or Job)
-
During the weeks preceeding your departure from a job
or town, there may be many farewell parties thrown in
your honour. Gifts and money may be given as a token
of appreciation for your hardwork. It is usual to
send postcards to those people who gave you gifts or
who helped you during your tenure.
Sources:
JET Handbook
Culture Shock: A Guide to Customs and Etiquette
Japan Lonely Planet
Living Japanese Style
A very big thank you goes out to Shro0m for editing,
suggestions and helping me clean up the layout.
Another huge thanks to
m_turner for the full HTML edit.