I am nervous, giddy, flush with excitement. I am going to see her.
I am going to see my girlfriend.I have a girlfriend.
We, have a girlfriend, he and I, and I haven't even met him,
never come close enough to sense the feel of him. Tonight it will
be she and I. Tomorrow there will be three of us, curled
on her bed, laying in each others arms.
I will kiss her. He will kiss her. And, if he is the person I
think he is, I will find myself under his hands and hers. Aroused
by watching the woman I am falling so hard for, so happy, intimately touching
the man she loves, I will find myself going places I have only dreamed of
for nearly ten years, sharing love, sharing touch, sharing self, and sharing
mine.
Or maybe... maybe things will move in other ways.
The wheels are moving below me. I haven't missed my train. I
will be in her arms in less than four hours, and this time, this time we
know. We know that in some magical and unexpalinable way, we have fallen
into heach others lives. We have fallen into each others hearts.
Two days from now I will board a train and head for home. And I don't
know if I will be able to hold back any more. Love growns through touches.
Love grows through sighs and breaths, through shared words and experiences,
and this weekend..... we will share so much.
What will it be like to share your tongue, to share your touch
and breath? will you hold me as you kiss him? Will you kiss me as
you touch him?
I don't think we'll all fuck. I don't think he will be that comfortable
that fast. But, the thought of him and you give me rushes that clench my stomach and make me wish I wasn't sitting inches
away from complete strangers. What have you done to me dee? What sweet fortune
and life, to have found someome like you. What tender
goddess did I please to bring you into my life?
Whatever this weekend brings I will get to share some precious moments
of your life.
...
It's been fifty seven hours since I arrived in NY and held my dee
again. Thinking back there are three images that stand out in the most vibrant of technicolor. As dawn broke the
first time the clouds were alight in deep orange and purple hues, that bathed
and tinted the moving skins of deeahblita and knarphie as she watched
my face. The shape of her mouth, and look on her face, as her pleasured
moans escape her. And, her head cradled between my thighs as tears ran
down her cheek. These images I will treasure for a lifetime and more.
There was so much this weekend, so many lessons... I met a knarphie.
I met her kitty cat, and found in him things I expected, and things I
did not. In some ways he is the person I was a decade ago and I was given
a glimpse of what dealing with me was like for Karen. But, he is a boy
of conflicts, with years of protective walls wrapped tightly around
him. But he trusts me, trusts me enough to curl into me when I rub
his hair, needing to pull close, needing to be enveloped with love, but
still not letting himself go to it. When his kisses came they were filled
with sweet intent, but only a tiny bit of him.
Where are you knarphie? Those walls are so thick. The
pain within burns to the touch. I am hers knarphie, and as such I extend
to you the use of my tools, and the lessons I've learned. But, there is
little I can do through walls so thick.
There was a tension in the air this weekend, one that wasn't entirely
unexpected. We worked backwards again. How is it we keep doing that dee?
Sex first, introductions later. Knarphie, this is masu. Masu,
this is knarphie. "Hey." "Hi." Laugh, giggle, smile,
fuck. As the next couple days passed with sex, sleep, and party,
(I feel so debaucherous) we missed out on the normal sensing
and testing of each others boundaries. We had moments of intimacy before
ever having a conversation in the flesh, in fact, I still
haven't had a real conversation with him that wasn't on the phone.
We are finding our place with each other. I am finding my place with
her. And I think the best thing knarphie and I can do is just spend time
togther. Specifically, time when we are both clothed and awake. Odd concept
that....
This weekend we managed to spend twenty-nine contiguous hours where
we were never all clothed at the same time, more if you count the hours
dee and I spent in each others arms before he arrived.
I love you dee. And I am looking forward to knowing you better
knarphie.