Preamble
In general a case has to be made for dibs; the greater the case that can be
made for dibs the more severe the consequences of breaking it
Dibs is a set of norms that operates within a friendship group but there is
a certain commonality across different friendship groups within a particular
culture.
Its function is to preserve friendships
Definitions
Dibs
A right to claim a person as off limits in a sexual or relationship sense to
another person
Dibs in relation to a person that the claimer desires but has not been with
Dibs in relation to someone the claimer has been with
Dibs claimer
Person claiming that they have a right to dibs in relation to a desired person
Friend
Person who loses the right to be with the desired person
Desired person
The person whom dibs has been placed upon by the dibs claimer
When two friends are both after the same desired person
Proactive Dibs
Friend must be informed that dibs is in effect for dibs to operate; This can
be communicated by words or action, so that a reasonable person in the position
of the friend would consider that the dibs claimer is claiming dibs.
Proactive Dibs can be given up, thus allowing any friend to go after the desired
person
Retroactive dibs
It is a lot harder to refute retroactive dibs in the strong categories
It applies in a decreasing extent to (general time frame of retroactive dibs
operation; note: proactive dibs may also operate in the lower categories):
-
-
-
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dating (2 to 5 years)
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one-night stand with sex (1 to 3 years)
-
getting with someone (kissing or perhaps a little more) (3 months to 2
years)
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Soft refutation
The dibs claimer is no longer interested in the desired person
The dibs claimer no longer has feelings about the desired person
Time frame has expired
Retroactive dibs can be given up or transferred to a particular friend
Who it operates against
Dibs is only binding against friends (however in exceptional circumstances
it may be binding against acquaintances)
The closer the friendship, the greater the case for dibs
Length of Operation
The right to claim dibs decreases over time
Refutation of proactive Dibs
Strong refutation
If the dibs claimer has placed dibs on a large number of other people then
either none or only the most important will maintain dibs status
If the dibs claimer gets married or is in a long term relationship
If the friend commenced desiring the desired person before dibs was claimed,
Soft refutation
If the desired person is clearly not interested in the dibs claimer
If the dibs claimer has been with a lot of other people
If the dibs claimer is in a short term relationship or, although to a lesser
extent, dating would also improve case for refutation
If the desired person already has a partner (however this argument is quite
soft and its effect could be lessened further by evidence that the desired person’s
relationship is showing signs of breaking up)
For whatever reason the friend rarely picks up, has not picked up recently,
or rarely places dibs on people
Support for case of dibs
If the friend met the desired person through the dibs claimer and especially
if the friend would not have the met the desired person through other connections
Competition
If dibs cannot be justified and both friends still desire the desired person,
then a competition will ensue
Whoever is with the desired person first get retroactive dibs; however in this
incident the case for retroactive dibs would be reduced