I was in
San Francisco for the first time over the weekend.
I got hit on so many times there, and blatantly. I walked past this one store, and this guy looked at me through the window. He looked me up and down, and then he mouthed "damn!". I've never gotten that much attention in
Phoenix, even at gay events and places. I didn't get that much attention in
WeHo.
I mean, there were a lot of
older guys and not-so-attractive guys in SF, but it wasn't just them I was getting the attention from. I've always wondered if, after college I am
still completely single, perhaps I should move to LA or SF (if I can afford it).
On the other hand,
I can't help but feel there is this gigantic underground gay world right under my nose that I am somehow missing. I think I tend to be wrapped up too much in my own thoughts to notice when guys hit on me a lot of the time, and if they do,
I'm always wanting them to do all the work because I am too much of a pussy to talk to a total stranger without them initiating. But yeah, as soon as I get my license back, I think I'm going back to SF. Like, for
spring break or something.
Feeling desired always makes me happy. I know that's kind of wrong, but I think I have that in common with most people. Waking up in the morning to find I have 40 new messages from people who want to sleep with me makes me feel good about myself, but finding 0 attractive people who want to date me is a bit of a downer.
Also,
I have to stop settling for guys just because I don't think I can do any better. I settled for Steven and Cletus in both looks and personality; in looks I settled for Michael, and in personality I settled for Tran (but not for long haha) and probably Wesley. I know from experience that there are cute, smart, funny guys out there who like me - Paul may have broken up with me with almost no explanation, but if I could have Wesley and Paul, both intelligent and very good looking, as well as the golden-hearted Michael and the hottie Tran, there is no reason I should be settling for not-so-attractive stuck-up mostly-closeted jerks like Steven or
controlling assholes like Cletus.
I almost settled for David because he was somewhat attractive and he wanted me; I almost settled for Lance because he was sweet and he wanted me.
I have to remember that "he likes me" should not be a valid reason for me to date a guy.
There has to be more than that. I can't just give my heart over to anyone who asks and isn't horribly annoying AND unattractive (I have been known to settle for guys who are one or the other).
I've been trying Ferdinand's approach --
act like I'm too good for anyone, and wait for them to come to me.
Acting desperate, as I used to, seems to be a turn-off for many boys. It works for Ferdinand, and
it works for hundreds of thousands of gorgeous women worldwide,
so why can't it work for me?