Yesterday
I came in to
work, didn't do much of that but
wrote a
node,
Why I'm at the office on a Sunday.
So
here I am, it's
Monday, I have a
shitload of
work to do, and I want to
die.
As
usual, I'm
bitching about this
job I have, which I
probably could do, and
probably would like, if I had
chosen it for myself.
My
sister tells me:
'You can do the job.'I
cry and tell her,
But I cant do the personAnd am at a loss to
describe any further.
She is
one of the
people I am
acting this
farce for,
one of the
people I
hide from.
I
should blow them all
off and
start finding out
what I want, but
I'm not ready to
risk everything,
lose it all.
I'm not seeking to
throw it all away but to
find my balance within the
framework.
I am
dying slowly, or conversly,
I am
simmering internally, and it's only a matter of
time, (how much?) until
I blow, or
expire.
And now,
I turn
back to the
task I have in
front of me.
I
am not going to
lose it this week, I am going on
vacation on
Sunday, that's just
5 more workdays to
get through,
one more week of
family to talk to,
one more week of
farce to live, until I
take a break...