Can I get nothing accomplished in this city when it rains?
Went out and got a bite to eat with Satyr and Phyllis last night. They came home, drunk as skunks from Coconuts. It was 'Boy's Night', otherwise they wouldn't have been able to get in.
So, we went to feed our faces, and after the meal, Satyr gets up and walks to the bar. Phyllis takes that drunken opportunity to ask, "So, what do you think about Grrmly?"
What!?!?!
"I think he's amazing. Why?"
"Oh, just wondering. I think you'd be good for him, that's all."
Phyllis is the one person we wanted to keep everything under wraps with. And obviously he doesn't know the whole story, otherwise I would have gotten a ration of shit from him days ago. So, why this now? I don't know.
Honestly, I am very much sitting on the fence about everything. I want things to be like they were supposed to be, but I don't feel like bargaining. I think it's so beyond that point, it's a mute point. I'm supposed to fit my life around three hours on weekday evenings and around weekends when I obviously work. I don't go to bed at nine in the evening. If I'm lucky, I get off work about that time. I'm not changing my mind, necessarily, I am complaining about life passing us by due to limitations and bedtimes. Did I say this was really bad timing? No? Well, it is.
I couldn't get the film run today because of time, rain, and the black and white processing. So, I guess tonight is off unless I can think of something.
What do I want? What do I want.......and Griff's supposed to come up in June.....and, ugh.....how convenient do I feel like being? This is no way to fix things, I am already frustrated with bargaining and no explanations. Hearts don't disappear for months at a time with no explanation of why they were so goddamn fickle. What reason do I have for coming back....all the way? Fear, laziness, boredom, desperation......and I've come to the conclusion; There is no such thing as true love.....only good love.
So what do I do now? I do need action, I do need proof. If this is what burning is, where the hell is the fire?
No, no, no.
NO.
Something does smell fishy here.....and I aim to find out what it is.