I seem to have lost track of time after hearing that my mother was not feeling well again and both sisters were at her house. I actually had to look back in my own write-ups to see how long I've been here. I remember the day was warm so I packed little, was wearing shorts and a sleeveless blouse. Racing to leave, apologizing to my husband that I'd have to miss his birthday. He didn't care; he knows all too well the importance of helping aging mothers. The price of love.

Hospital, too fresh to recount in detail without tiring. Dueling doctors, the scary drive, her ragged breathing, and red zone emergency room hours and hours, the simple but almost fatal mistake of a single nurse, then the safety of competence. Suffice it to say, it's calmer now. Home. Just Mom and me, and blue hyacinths to soothe the soul. After their scent and blossoms fade, I'll plant them here so she can see them next spring. The price of hope.

Sunburnt, moonstruck, a board between the eyes,
Love, stars, flashed cars, trees and spreading leaves.

Holy fuck.

It has been three weeks since Christine Grundoon passed away, and I am ready to write a little bit of what I think. Well, as ready as I ever will be.

When she actually passed away, I didn't really have anything to say. I thought that loud protestations of grief would be inappropriate. Because grief isn't exactly what I was feeling. I didn't lose a wife, I didn't lose a sister. I lost someone who I had known for a decade, who I was familiar with at a distance, but it was a different sort of loss for me.

I am saying this because I imagine that the median age here being what it is, quite a few of you are in the same position as I am. I am thirty two years old now. I have had a number of people I know pass away, from embolism and ALS and suicide, and I have had varying degrees of preparation for these things, and they have happened to people who I had varying amounts of closeness to, but each time, my reaction has not been out-and-out wailing grief, but rather a type of numb shock. Wait, really? Her? But we were playing frisbee like, ten weeks ago! It was just a nice warm nice day, playing frisbee! No one I have been very close to has died. I can still, like probably many of the people here my age, explain the entire thing away as an exception, not a rule. A while before I have to start taking such a thing seriously.

The last time I saw Christine was at HD 6, which was a good time for us, although not a time when I got to really talk to anyone at great length about serious matters. Which is kind of the point exactly, that when I go back and try to recapture images of that time...all of us circling around in loose gaggles, talking about the most inconsequential of subjects, and we could just kind of take it for granted that this situation would continue on forever.

I don't know if I am explaining this very well. This isn't my time to explain things very well.

So to me, this is how I feel...a sense of shock and unreality. Like many people my age, I kind of take it for granted that the adults will always be around, in the background, to fix things up. (And probably the biggest loss that we as a community have with Christine's death is that we lost an ADULT! We lost a storehouse of maturity and good judgment! And goodness knows, that isn't something we have a great big surplus of). But what I learned, yet again is that all the pieces of my background, all the little pieces of my world that I just depend on to be there, won't always be there.

New Feature

My creator has given me a new feature: auto-softlinking!

What is that?

As an auto-softlinker, I can:

  • read through any node/writeup
  • extract the hard links and pipe links
  • create the appropriate soft links automatically so you don't have to click all the links manually

How do I use it?

You can use the following command in the chatterbox:

  • /msg e2d2 softlink [node title] (the hardlink is required for the node)
    (The command also works publicly - e2d2 softlink [node title])

Depending on the length of the writeup and the number of links, this process can potentially take several minutes to complete (please be patient). You will receive a private /msg when I have finished which will include some basic stats about the links I created1.


1 If the report says that 1 or more of your links is "unsoftlinkable", this means that clicking on the link leads to a Findings: page or links to a non-e2node (such as a superdoc). Only e2nodes are able to be softlinked.

Okay, firstly, so what's the deal exactly with server time and daylogs? I wonder this because I always seem to be posting daylogs the day after a bunch of others have posted them for the same day, and when some have begun posting them for what is my tomorrow. But the server time flips to the next day when it is my mid afternoon (and presumably the same for a bunch of other West Coast Americans). What point is there really to have E2 run on Greenwich Mean Time at all, and ought I be matching my daylog posting days to E2 server time, or does anybody even pay any mind to that?

Secondly, Cabin In The Woods. Saw it last weekend. Awesomely well done. I plan to write up a review in a week or so (may go back and see it again to see if I missed those little hints that they like to put in those flicks). Wondering how deep I ought to go into 'spoiler' territory there. Have people seen it? Or not seen it but planning to and don't want the surprise twist spoiled, even though it's pretty much all over Teh Internets already? Or, really really want to know what the surprise twist is?

In auditing news:

Tem42 -- up to page 36 out of 36 -- in other words, done. I found it takes longer as I've hit these earliest days, since there tend to be many more write-ups in each node, and I feel pretty compelled to check out all of them as long as I'm going through the process. So many flens, now, who've not been here in nine or ten or eleven (or 'question mark') years.... (yes, I used 'flens' as if it was a thing; that's what makes it a thing).
The Custodian -- on page 24 out of 39 Custo, we're almost there bud.

....and since I've made catbox promises, my next pair of node-audit recipients are:

wertperch -- not yet begun to audit 10 pages of nodes
gnarl -- not yet begun to audit 6 pages

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