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Colonblow is a high powered laxative designed to remove impacted feces from your colon, much like a colonic, only without the joy of all that fun tubing.

The Colonblow website < www.colonblow.com > informs me that Colonblow's effects are felt about 24 hours after ingestion of the product and may persist for up to 36 hours after first impact.

The ensuing results are described as "rough," "rope-like," and "slimy." The rough stuff is presumably impacted feces, the slime is (I would guess) the mucus that lines the intestinal tract, and I have no idea why it's ropy.

Frankly, I don't really feel the need to explosively purge my colon at present, nor at any time in the future. However, I would be honored if a brave soul were to node his or her experiences with Colonblow below.

Can anyone else envision the applications of this stuff in pornography?

First person account

I am nothing if not adventurous with my digestive system. I was very curious about the product's claims, so I bought a three-pack (~$35) and gave it a shot. Here is what happened.

First day

I took the first dose. According to the instructions, you mix this sawdust-like stuff in a glass of water and take two pills every 8 hours or so for 24 hours. That's what I did. You are also supposed to water fast during the 24 hours. I did that too, though it was hard. Around the 18th hour, I was becoming woozy from low blood sugar so I had to take in some fruit and crackers. Around the 22nd hour, I broke my fast. Nothing happened. In fact, I became somewhat constipated.

Third day

I emailed the company with my complaint, and since they had a satisfaction guarantee, I expected a refund. I followed the instructions to the letter, and I experienced the opposite results of what was expected. Instead of huge quantities of solid waste, I produced nothing. They said to take the whole three pack, with the individual doses separated by ten days. They said that some people's systems needed a little more time. OK, I thought. I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Eleventh day

I began the second series of doses and followed the instructions faithfully. This time I completed the 24 hour water fast faithfully. Nothing happened. In fact since day one, my bathroom productivity has been much less than average. Normally, being a vegan accustomed to a high fiber diet, my stuff is soft and abundant, whereas now it is hard, small, and difficult to produce. Forgive the obfuscation, but I'm trying to be delicate. After the second treatment, I just felt bloated. For days, nothing remarkable happened.

Twenty-second day

More than three weeks have passed since my first dose, and production is still down. I took the third and final treatment per the instructions, but I was less faithful with the fast. Nothing continued to happen.

Over the next few days following the third dose, I began to worry that I was becoming dangerously backed up. Therefore, I increased my water intake even more until I was drinking almost constantly. I also increased my fiber, began exercising more, and began taking a mild herbal laxative. Things gradually started returning to normal after about a week of this.

Conclusion

I never got back with the company with my complaints that their product didn't work in my case. I figure it's not that big of a deal in the cosmic scheme of things. But I did want to report that for me, at least, it didn't work at all as advertised. My advice to the prospective consumer is to be aware, record what you do, and keep in contact with the company if you are not satisfied. They seem to be pretty cool about maintaining a relationship with their customers. I expect that if I had pressed, they would have refunded my money. In any case, I love the name, the advertising, the sense of humor, and so forth. Caveat emptor!

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