user since
Thu Mar 29 2001 at 00:39:50 (23.2 years ago )
last seen
Thu Nov 25 2021 at 20:10:56 (2.5 years ago )
number of write-ups
108 - View ConfusionTheWaitress's writeups (feed)
level / experience
7 (Chronicler) / 3339
C!s spent
mission drive within everything
chaos, anarchy and lots of hugs
anything that interests me or stirs my passion. mainly comedy.
content rescue rangers
my handle's gorgeous, pretty vacant, eh?
most recent writeup
Peter Serafinowicz
Send private message to ConfusionTheWaitress

crt quicklinks: archive | darkroom | nodes | roster | faq

"i guess i have to do the only thing i can do; acceptance and forgiveness. it's the only tools we've got left. and evolution, if you're interested in it."
bill hicks

"i stand alone with these theories; you know how lonely it is being me?""
bill hicks

"my father says that almost the whole world is asleep. everybody you know. everybody you see. everybody you talk to. he says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."
patricia, joe versus the volcano


contact information

yes, i like feedback regardless of whether it's a 'nice one, hon' or constructive criticism. send me your feedback and possibly win meadowhall!


alias /msg CtW
yahoo! bulletproofblouse
icq 4555965 (unused right now. it's a good number and i have lost my password)

note: aim availability is dependent on evil aol's tolerance of trillian. in fact they all rely on trillian, with the exception of yahoo! which i'd go back to using if trillian is put to death. i like getting message invitations to bait internet pervs and wierdos ;) yahoo! has tons!


previous winners:
sloebertje won york cathedral
ralphyk won the gobi desert


:: i am a busty female future-cop in an all-over rubber uniform ::


message of the whenever


over two years now since last i wrote something and it's plain to see that i'm not going to be doing that any time soon. but don't rule out the idea, hey? although i have no desire to write anything new right now, i do have a hankering to update and expand my alan partridge node. you know, if you like, you can have a look at my 'moblog' at mmmm, it's really quite boring.

due to a lack of actual input, i lost my ability to bestow a C! on write-ups and was teased with needing to write just. one. thing. to raise a level and gain them back. so i put peter serafinowicz in the database and was told i still need just. one. more. write-up to ching in peace again. grr.



/me misses william melvin hicks, john robert parker ravenscroft obe and magenta.


trivial information

anj green. hello, how are you?

glam rock superstar name:
leather doll. which i'm quite happy about.
mortice was golden crotch, since renamed by me to comadoor omega.
iocane is narcotic addict and is now worried for how they found out. (now dead, but *do* see 'hedwig and the angry inch'. seriously.)

drag queen name:
gemini g ('g' shortened from 'gee'. because, y'know, it's punchier)
first pet's name plus mother's maiden name, yadderyadderyadder. you know the drill.

date of birth:
fourteenth of january, nineteen seventy-five.

current nodestation:
amd athlon 1.66Ghz, 256mb ram, GeForce 4, etc.

heroes and heroines:
bill hicks and kelly osbourne.

i love web comics:

the first node i ever saw:
dirty epic by android

grrlboy. with enough emphasis on the 'grrl' as to make the 'boy' irrelevant. test results
gender test: woman, 86%
iq test: 165
ass quiz: 35%

(also the first to reach +50 rep. spooky) why i am going to pretend i am a girl online from now on :  50th
(the hometown node) dewsbury : 100th

bill bailey : 02
big train : 03
nothing at all : 04

poor neglected nodesouls:
let me know if you have a neglectlist. :)

talkback productions
brian appleton

been there since the beginning, for me at any rate. : wertperch
for kindly words and a little support. : sloebertje
the other west yorkshire e2 resident : just_tom
one of the best idea noders e2 has : wolfdaddy
head honcho of the invaluable crt. he who must be respected. : jaybonci
creator of the wonderful e2 offline scratchpad. handiness on a biscuit! : dann
for the free shoulder to cry on voucher and helpful wisdom : saige
although i haven't spoken to a lot of them much, i still think they all rock. : content rescuers

respect is due. mad props are also forthcoming:
every now and then comes a new noder that just gets it,
understands why e2 is here and what it's for. otherwise, there are those
people who's work and general presence I adore. what follows is a list of
the people that have impressed me enough to be included in the list below.

ashley pomeroy | boi_toi | fondue | jaz | ralphyk | sharq | stupot | tes | tallman

my most recent five content 'rescue' efforts:
league of gentlemen
chasing amy
dan castellaneta
varicose veins
alan partridge

one day i'll C! these aka i'm gonna do me some nodevertising
not for my own nodes this time, oh no. i wander around
everythingland and often notice some write-ups that just are not getting
the respect they deserve. so i'm appealing to you to at least have a look
at them. would you? thanks, honey! :)

spindizzy theboy (cooled 19/10/02)
going off shift sef (cooled 18/10/02)
how to make friends and influence people mod (cooled 16/10/02)
stott hall farm stupot (cooled 15/10/02)
we must perform a quirkafleeg stupot (cooled 20/10/02)
wigu drt (cooled 17/10/02)

infinity's playlist project
remarkably self-indulgent and could easily be translated to
'this is what i like, am i cool?!' but, hey! who the hell cares? :)
no three-disc hi-fi anymore (broke) so, the last three albums i bought.
yes! bought!

Going from chill-out dance to a bit of a metal renaissance...


  1. lostprophets: start something
  2. funeral for a friend : casually dressed and deep in conversation
  3. damien rice: o (not metal but still beautifully sublime)

mp3's come and go around these parts and a full list of them
gets too long and too difficult to update quickly and easily, so the five
most recent tunes i'm enjoying via the intertext webway:


don't you go being afraid to recommend stuff. thanks to whoever
advised me check out dar williams, your name escapes me. sorry, hon.



the small print

a little layout idea inspired stroke ripped right off lock, stock and barrel from chihahua grub's homenode. thanks.

the all-purpose, superlicious node-a-matic:
blur your eyes, move the mouse around and click! "he" is actually a buxom blonde bisexual sorority girl. the net is like that. | a couple of tips for noders | a higher state of consciousness | a new democracy | alias mother jonez and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad saturday | all node and no content makes speck a grumpy boy | all-purpose, handy-dandy copyright release/permission request form | am I gay? | around nine pm my heart was breaking so I went to bed early to listen to it happen. | as a matter of fact i did invent the internet | atheism is a crutch for weak people | benevolent sexism | berne's feminist graffiti bishounen | body squib | boys are stupid | cake | columbia pictures says "fuck you, audience." | declaration of the freedom of the will over the body | doing drugs for fun and profit domination techniques | don't feel comfortable with girls? have a daughter. | don't forget your windows xp password or: how i learned to stop forgetting things and make a password protection disk. | duct tape does not make a good bra | e2 clique application form | every beauty is a tragedy waiting to happen | female programming lacks quality | foolproof method to determine how much a person knows about computers | forget women - here's what men want | gender: a treatise | going off shift | greenham women | hbigda standards of care for pre-operative transsexuals | how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots? | how do you define your gender? | how many cock rings does one man need?! | how not to use your car horn | how to calm a cat in heat | how to play the harmonica | how to revise a node | how would you like it if they took your subculture and made it a theme night? | hug | i am clothed when other people go almost naked through the frozen cities in winter | i don't want to be a weeping mass of emotion, but i am | i know the last digit of pi and I'm not telling | i may dream in technicolor, but i trip the fuck out in old-school black and white | i still can't think of anything, or how fight club changed my life | i think that sexual and gender differences are funny, rather than an excuse for perpetual whining | i, real doll | idiots will ruin everything, eventually. | if I was a guy for a day | instant messenger war | is everything 2 really 'everything'? | i've already paid $9; why are you showing me commercials? | jesus was a feminist | john while mary had had had had had had had had had was correct | journalist | lay off the "girl" shit | london's calling, and it's calling you gay. | low testosterone | male or female | manhood act | men should never call themselves feminists | mittens | my cat may be the anti-christ... what else is new? | my everything2 | my fascinatingly detailed teen angst bullshit day log - part 1 | my inadequacies make me want to cry. | my little pony or porn star? | never argue with an idiot. they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. | office supplies fetish | oscar the grouch is not homeless | otherwhere | overcoming arachnophobia, or how I learned to love the spiders with human heads! | prison rape | raise hell. raise a barn. raise our boys. | rampant mass consumerism is so evil. hey, can I have a sip of that frappucino? | real women, not models, belong in magazines | researching the girlie region | revolution 9 | september that never ended | sigmund freud | splinters from a scrabble board | stop acting like an asshole sulphate vs. sulfate | sweaty man + sports shoe = babe in leopard bikini | the art of the mix tape | tittybiscuits | until today, it really pissed me off that I'd become this totally centered zen master and nobody had noticed | waiamqwiitiojdtrt? | walk like you're a sex goddess | watching the disk defrag | welcome to 2002, the twenty-second year of the eighties | what do you do with your nodes with negative reputation? | what it's like being trapped in the body of a woman | what's half of 13? | why do males have nipples? | why gay males aren't accepted as well as females in america | will imake myself sick if i eat my own cum? | xenohomonecropedapyrobestiality | you know what they say about homophobes | younger siblings |

step to me, all those who are truly groovy:
this is by no means complete. more shall come. aftershock | angel dust | bill bailey | being a girl | brass eye | sandra bullock | peter cook | ellen degeneres | benicio del toro | omid djalili | dust brothers | the downward spiral | eels | enigma | faith no more | fight club | david fincher | fluke | seth green | groove armada | have i got news for you | bill hicks | hothouse flowers | iambic pentameter | eddie izzard | the league of gentlemen | lipstick | brian molko | chris morris | nine inch nails | ok computer | on the hour | paradise lost | pink | primus | radio 4 | radiohead | rage against the machine | reeves and mortimer | refusing to be a man | rez | alan rickman | the safety dance | adam sandler | the shamen | se7en | the shawshank redemption | lisa simpson | sleep | stan | tea | terrorvision | they might be giants | this is spinal tap | turkish delight | underworld | vodka | the wedding singer | irvine welsh | wheatus | why bother?

yes, i read homenodes:
wertperch | just_tom | wolfdaddy | chihuahua grub | riverrun | tes | theboobookitty | tallman | rubenazarja | emoin


cowofdoom nodetracker

First update on this since 15th September 2002. XP has gone from 2311 to...


        E2 USER INFO: changes since Sat May 29 17:34:48 2004
nodes:   108 (-5)    xp:       2614 (+154)  cools:     85 (+10)  
level:   3           xp req:   0           nodes req: 42        
max rep: 120 (+28)   min rep:  1 (-1)      total rep: 2299 (+260)
node-fu: 24.20       WNF:      30.16       coolratio: 78.70%
merit:   15.67       devotion: 1692 (+168)

person: 27.8%    place: 1.9%    thing: 48.1%    idea: 22.2%    
16.09.01: total reputation, a demonic 666.
29.11.01: from 666 to 999, like some kind of mad inverted cross.
31.12.01: my first e2 end-of-year rep: 1144. xp: 2049.

see thee:

noding speedometer


Approximately 0.2632 write-ups a day. Estimated time of arrival at level four: 17th May, 2002. Very poor indeed.


dear departed write-ups

i came across the node with the lyrics for the will smith song and wrote this pretty much as i thought of it. a smidge of sideways thinking which, to be honest, I still think is really funny. even if it is just me that thinks that. fe. you have to make your own amusement in this sick ol' world. i'm telling ya, breasts on men will be next. :)


Getting Jiggy With It (final rep: 6)
This one time, at McDonald's, I had a blazing row with the manager. I said that they could take their Chicken McTikka Burger because it's all for nothing if I don't get jiggy wid it. But she refused to offer me any, flat out, she just. plain. refused. She said that you only get sachets of jiggy wid McChicken Nuggets and them was the rules. So I left, not before telling her in no uncertain terms that I was going to march my hiney to Burger King instead. You get jiggy wid everything there.

(sigh) Sometimes franchised restaurant chains can really piss me off.

Guess what? Breasts on Men was next.


Breasts on Men (final rep: 6)
We asked a number of breasts for their thoughts on men but they all declined to comment on the issue. A very disappointing survey, given the huge popularity of the last one: "Men on Breasts".

TWAJS. Etc. But I still support the idea of men getting breast implants if they want them. It comes down to my belief that if you like tits that much, get your own. Guys, seriously, cosmetic surgery has made great leap and bounds over the years, don't rely on others to provide you with boobs, get a pair of your own. You *know* you want to...


heart or question mark? answers on a postcard.

You read all of this? I don't believe you.
/msg CtW Yes, I read your entire homenode. What? It wasn't *that* much! It was great, though. :)

the bookmarks now follow, all of which, sooner or later, find their
way up to the node-a-matic above. what follows are the nodes, (ideas)
mainly, that i thought were damn good. so there.