Dame Edna

Rewritten

Her full name: Dame Edna Everage. While many know her as megastar, talk show host and icon, she is also a respected journalist (often posing for photographs with refugees and Royalty), and illustrator of children's books.

She first emerged in Australia, but one continent proved far too small for her extensive talents. During the 1970s, she took on London successfully with stage shows including Housewife Superstar and A Night With Dame Edna. She continued her trimuphant tour through such theatres as London's Royal Albert Hall, the prestigious Theatre Royal Drury Lane, and the Theatre Royal Haymarket.

Not content with the stage, she brought her formidable talents to bear on the small screen as well. Two seasons of "The Dame Edna Experience" saw her chatting with such guests as Jane Fonda, Charlton Heston, Liza Minnelli, Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. In addition to her series, she has also hosted a number of TV Specials such as the critically acclaimed UK specials: "An Audience with Dame Edna" and "Another Audience with Dame Edna". Her most recent effort, "A Night on Mount Edna" won the Golden Rose of Montreux.

She's also been bestowed with a number of other awards including ones from the San Francisco International Film Festival and Gold Awards at the New York Film and TV Festival as well as a special Tony Award.

While her stage and screen presence is formidable, her most lasting impression (mostly because you do not need a TV screen or tickets to be so enriched) are her books Dame Edna's Coffee Table Book, Dame Edna's Bedside Companion and her seminal autobiography My Gorgeous Life.

A widow (and possibly Jewish), Dame Edna has three children who give her various degrees of angst: Lois, Valmai, and Kenny. When not flitting between her homes scattered around the globe, she maintains her priceless collection of Tiffany windows and Tamara de Lempicka paintings. Being a caring and nurturing soul, she organizes and runs "Friends of the Prostate" and the World Prostate Olympics, and offers counselling to Royalty on cultural and gender issues.

Recently, she has turned her hand to writing. With Chagall at the Chock Full o' Nuts in which Chagall, Tom Stoppard, and Buddy Holly play metaphysical Scrabble, Dame Edna has won over critics with her language skills and insight. She is hoping to follow her Broadway offering with a new production of Racine's Phaedra starring herself.

If you hated the person who told you the Easter bunny or Santa Claus didn’t really exist - Stop reading this now.

Right. Dame Edna Everage is a great entertainer and performer as Athos pointed out - BUT you should know three very important things about her that you may not want to know, or that may disturb you greatly.

(You were warned)

Firstly: "Dame Edna Everage" is not a real "Dame". Shocking, I know. A "Dame" is (1) A woman holding a nonhereditary title conferred by a sovereign in recognition of personal merit or service to the country, or (2) The wife or widow of a knight. Therefore "Dame Edna Everage" cannot be a real "Dame"*.

(If that didn’t shock you enough there's more)

Secondly; Edna Everage has a penis - yes the one eye'd trouser snake, the wife’s best friend, the percy, the cock, the mans stick, your prick, your hard member... but I digress... Furthermore she contains all the parts necessary to be classified as a male, and none of the parts necessary to be classified as a female. Thusly, Edna Everage is a man.

(Are you sure you don’t want to stop reading now - you just read the last paragraph right?)

Finally; Edna Everage isn’t even HIS/HER real name. Edna Everage is really 67 year-old character actor "Barry Humphries".

So when ever you see Edna Everage dressed in his/her outrageous dresses talking about the womanly thing to do on TV shows like "Dame Edna’s Neighborhood Watch" - Just remember; He/She's not a women, He/She's not a real Dame and he/she is actually a really old character actor named Barry Humphries.

* The fact that “Dame” is slang for “old woman” in many places has been noted. This is why I say; “Dame Edna Everage is not a real Dame” instead of "Dame Edna Everage is not a Dame".