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So there I was, watching TV, when it hit me. Ninja. We need more ninja. The ninja craze of the 1980's has died, and in today's society ninja problems such as the occasional infestation are few and far between. The silent black-clad masked sharp 'n spiky death men (and alluring females - helloooo Kagero) have all but disappointingly disappeared from today's society. No more is the screen graced with ninja kick-ass skills such as people jumping off roofs played in reverse.

Also, in an unrelated observation that will be ominously intertwined with this frightening lack of ninja, television shows nowadays aimed at the young adult seem to be polluted with angst ridden teens. I mean what are we trying to teach our kids nowadays? Ideas about teens with angst are bad. I mean HELLOoooo I have enough of that in my own life.

What kids of today need is some backbone. We need to teach them that if they have a problem with someone, it should be dealt with silently, discreetly, quickly, and with sharp pointy objects...


I propose a ninja in every drama, in every comedy, in every sitcom, every soap, every chat show, every news update, in the movies, in the sports in those 5am Christian morning shows, - even in teleads.

These masters of stealth can be seamlessly integrated into any plot - the invasion of the location by a ninja death squad, introduction of a mysterious cousin from the far east, black cloaked figures seen jumping from rooftop to rooftop in panning scenes. It's all no sweat.

And what will they do? They will sneak around at night unnoticed by none, doing ninja stuff. Annoying characters? Kill them. Hero becoming too strong? Poison. Running out of plot lines? Blow something up. The possibilities are endless. Ninja can account for those embarrassing plot holes, for the ways of the ninja are strange and secretive.

Character 1: "So, uhh, what happened about the plot hole?"

Character 2: "Ninja did it."

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