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Friend Behr and Chopper reached the castle of the lunatic Dreyfuss earlier today. We had dinner with Mr. Dreyfuss, who was a former big wheel in the French police department until he broke with them in the 1970s. I understood his pain as I broke in many ways with reality in the 1970s and haven't been the same on account of my wife having an affair and leaving me for a real estate investor type Bruno whose house I am still paying the note on to this day (since 1983). So hard right now to talk about that. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers tonight. Hopefully that hardlink leads to information on how to do that effectively. I did not check. Sometimes you have to do the hard leg work yourself and stop expecting me to hold your hand through life as you suffer through your miserable failed poor people type marriages and gross sexual experimentation with people in costumes that you all do on everything2 website.

We watched the movie Nosferatu with the lunatic Dreyfuss and then had dinner, a light lamb roast with new potatoes and hot chocolate with little marshamallows in it. This was savory with the mint jelly (on the lamb not in the cocoa which would be gross and if you do that then I will tell you what I told my cousin Elmer before putting the pillow over his face because he'd failed a math test, "Fuck you.").

Ain't that the truth. Being straight with people. Means a lot. You know it.

Flying horse guy is supposed to get here some time tomorrow to take me to unite with the Fuhrer. I don't know why this is not a top priority for him or what else he could possibly have to do before that. His whole existence is based on finding me and uniting me with the Fuhrer so he can lead his allies in Europe and America to victory. Why is he having coffee with former college friends or whatever he's doing? I don't get it. Kind of weird..

We're going to watch another movie now. I think the lunatic Dreyfuss has Blame It On Rio which is a classic....

My friends.

 

PS: Your friend Behr almost forgot to note that I am making plans to start my own magazine after these European matters are resolved. It will be called The Human Organism and it will be about information on various human organisms and how to best make them extinct, like defective gene types, lesser ethnic strains, tendencies to have thick matted public hair, and early signs of liberalism. By identifying and killing these human organisms before they are born, against the will of the parents in most cases, we can make much progress for the species as a whole so we will be ready when The Borg come in the future.

PS Part 2: A man who does dishes willingly in a sweater vest while a woman with arms (workable) looks on deserves to have his head crushed under the wheel of a commercial trucking vehichle (truck wheel). If this is something you have done and persist in doing, report to a center near you and use the code word "I am deficient in many ways." They will take you in no waiting.

PS Part 3: There were more biggums in the 1980s as far as women are concerned. Many were biggums but under five foot three as women were much smaller forty years ago on account of gravity and the state of the arts at that time (overfunded by ten times). Because there were so many biggums and not any more on account of weight watchers and Le Mans classes we have weather problems as a course correction for God's might and oh my gosh I am crying with the stiffness of emotion here OH LORD I AM I SWEAR that thy will be done there is no global warming (false directive/con job) and we will have only God's creatures (top level humans from good genetic materials) on the planet once we take up our weapons and go out and kill everything that is inferior including "deer," "chipmunk," "stag," "lizard," "goldfish." This is authorized you can consider it to be so.

PS Part Four: If you want a subscription to The Human Organism: The Non-Scientific Journal of Genetics, send a non-cancellable check for $17,500 to me at the Western Union in the Swiss Alps. Put it in the name of Itzak Berky as I filed the legal paperwork in Munich last week while preparing my ill-received lesson on ethics from a fully tenured perspective. If you send that check, you will help finance the launch of the magazine, and if we go to press you will receive one issue, the first issue, with an option to buy more. Each issue will be at least 12 pages long with some pictures (a limited number in color) so get in on the ground floor. Early subscribers will receive a visit during sleeping hours from me and the Fuhrer, who will get into bed with you for a short while to talk to you about his thoughts. This special program we are offering is called "Wake up with the Fuhrer" and it is something to look into and speak to your family about obsessively. Bring it up a lot at meal time and when chosing a movie to stream from a popular streaming service like Netflix which has thousands of titles available today including one of the Iron Man movies with Morton Downey, Jr. in the "titular" role (arousing word).

Hello, E2. It's been a while, random reQuest nodes notwithstanding.

My life continues to change. It now looks nothing like I could have imagined four or five years ago.

I'm still running. In fact, I am qualified for and entered in the 2019 New York Marathon, and I'm signed up to run the Popular Brooklyn Half Marathon in May. This morning, G and I ran the Gridiron 4 Mile race in Central Park - a traditional 'season opener' for many New York City runners, and the first organized race I ever ran - last year, in fact. Last year, I ran it at approximately a 12:30 pace (12 min 30 sec per mile), which I was completely happy with for a brand new runner who had never raced before and was approaching 50 years of age. This year, despite having taken the winter off and not run in three months, I ran it at a 9:50 pace, remaining conservative to avoid injury and using the race and time to explore my pace and energy management as well as practice form.

I may be coming to the end of my time in my awesome Super New York Deal(™) apartment. My inquiry as to whether they wanted to sell it resulted in a very high number (one I can't meet) but may also have resulted in my landlords realizing 'hey wait, we could sell this thing, couldn't we?' Ah well, all good things come to an end. It's not definite, either - but they're not getting back to me about their offered lease renewal if I wasn't interested in buying yet. So we'll see.

That makes my first half of the year a bit more complex. I now have a fiancée, and we are planning on being married in July, if we can pull it off. That will involve not only the wedding (which we are, perhaps vainly, hoping to keep somewhat small) but parties in both New York and San Francisco mid-year for all those friends and family that can't make the wedding itself.

Even if I do manage to remain in my apartment, we will be moving in to it together, which is our way of acknowledging that we can't look at this as 'her moving into my place' in order to maintain a balanced and positive view of it. Moving sucks; moving into a space you don't feel is 'yours' sucks more. My job is to ensure she doesn't feel that way. Superficially, this is easy - there are very few pieces of furniture I care about, and all else can be tossed out - and for those few things I won't give up but we don't want in the place, I can take them to Vermont.

So! Moving (one way or another), a half marathon, get married, throw a party on each coast, and train for a marathon. Oh - and I started a new job a few weeks ago, which will require me to travel to the glorious (yech) Mountain View, CA every six or eight weeks.

Still.

Still.

After the race today, I realized something more important than my time. Unlike even last year, I'd woken up not 'not wanting to go run' but looking forward to it. I'd enjoyed myself all the way through the race, with no 'gotta finish' doggedness surfacing. Afterwards, I'd felt much, much better than I had in weeks, and I realized something amazing: at the new job, I've been having trouble avoiding the carb-y snack wall due to being distracted, busy, and somewhat stressed (in a busy, not unhappy way). I was really getting down on myself for having failed in my low-carb regimen so badly, and over the past two months, I'd gained back perhaps ten pounds. Not good. However, as we rode back to Queens after the race, despite not having had any breakfast other than coffee, I realized - I was hungry, but not in the same way. I was hungry the way I'd been so happy to learn to be a couple years ago - an awareness that my body needed fuel, but with no craving for shitty food alongside it. When we got back, I ate a hard boiled egg and two egg whites, had another cup of coffee, and had a single tiny piece of crystalized ginger for a taste hit, and I was fine until around three pm, when I made a protein powder shake - and since drinking that, have had no cravings.

I realized I'd been handling the eating badly. I'd been eating and then punishing myself for a 'failure of will,' which simply encouraged me to continue eating those damn M&Ms - because I'd already failed and was already punishing myself, continuing to eat them was a defiant, sullen admission of failure to justify the punishment. This was why, along with the pure chemical addiction symptoms, that refraining from eating the first one of the day was so critical, and so much easier than refraining once I gave in. As for the physical, I hadn't understood the degree to which my winter schedule had prevented decent high-gain cardio exercise - and that exercise is clearly what helps me manage my hunger. The relief was palpable - this isn't a problem I don't know how to deal with, it's something I have tools to cope with and I just proved to myself that a couple of those tools work, and work well.

I love my soon-to-be-wife, deeply and strongly, and I know she loves me, too - an experience I never thought I'd ever have.

I can't wait to see how this year goes.

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