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Yesterday was shitty.

I opened my box of ex-fiance stuff. Most of it went into a bag for donation, which I then threw in the back of my Jeep. I can't drop it off anywhere until the lockdown is lifted in my area. The smaller items — mostly photos — went into a much smaller box, which is now on top of my other two memory boxes shoved at the back of my bedside table. I have another box that's just the right size for sending back a couple of things. I thought I'd sent back everything, but I was wrong, so now I need to mail out one more package. I've put two items in it already. I need to find a USB key that's in my desk somewhere, then I need to put something on it that I was supposed to have given him long ago. I feel like such an asshole for not doing it earlier.

I deliberately unpacked the box in the afternoon, rather than the evening as I'd originally planned. I put on an episode of the "Is We Dumb?" podcast in an effort to keep myself distracted. It made me laugh, so I guess it helped. Too bad it didn't help enough to stop me from feeling sick. By the time I'd finished unpacking that damn box, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. I wasn't suffocating or choking, exactly; it just felt like I couldn't get enough air. My body felt weak and shaky. I knew that laying down wouldn't help me, so I left the house to clear my head. Speaking of which, I hit my fucking head while putting the bags in the back of my car. Should have brushed the snow off first. I went to the grocery store as planned. It had just closed. Drove to the other store. Looked at the flowers, bought myself whatever food I felt I could eat: pizza bagels, a ready-to-eat fruit and yogurt parfait, sour ju-jubes. If K were here, she would buy me chocolate, I thought to myself, so I bought a Lindt raspberry dark chocolate bar. 

By the time I got home, I felt somewhat better. Got the pizza bagels in the oven and put my flowers in a vase. It's a bouquet of white roses with orange and fuchsia gerbera daisies. They're beautiful. I dug out some old photos of friends and set them on the dresser next to the flowers along with some candles and small stuffed animals. I burned the candles, turned out the lights, and sat down with my pizza bagels and the rest of my comfort food to watch Supernatural. Oh, and I should probably be honest and admit that I smoked a bowl right before starting my show. It's a nice way to relax

I feel better today. Not amazing, but better. That package still needs to go out, and thinking about it brings back that same sick feeling. I also had a weird dream last night that left me feeling disturbed. It had nothing to do with my ex. It involved other people from my past. It's the second weird dream I've had this week. When I try to interpret them on paper, my thoughts come out garbled. So for now let's just say, I think something has shifted with my thinking. My goal for this year is to focus more on looking forward. And if I need to feel like shit for a day or two (or three or four...), then so be it. I'd rather move through the pain than remain stagnant.  

Preparing for OpinionQuest 2021

Also known as: Andy has lots of opinions on trivial matters. Many of these are about games and videogames.

  1. The classic D&D alignment chart is not useful for beginners and tends to do more harm than good trying to use it as a rigid rule rather than a fuzzy descriptor of a character's guiding principles;
  2. Good spelling has its importance, but it cannot be more important than the thing words try to express. In other words---when it comes to language---function over form;
  3. Bragging about a high IQ is way worse than bragging about having a large dick. The latter can at least be demonstrably used for something and be put to good use;
  4. Final Fantasy VII is a good enough game. It's overrated because of a combination of technical achievements and nostalgia;
  5. Reading is as much of a time waster as watching TV/movies. Both media can be a great tool for educating oneself and a giant waste of time with no other redeeming value other than pure entertainment. No one is "better" for preferring to read and no one is "worse" for preferring Netflix;
  6. It's better to read and understand a pamphlet than to read and pretend to understand James Joyce just to brag;
  7. Arguing (with strangers) on the internet is mostly pointless;
  8. Final Fantasy X-2 gets a lot of unnecessary shit, and it's a good story about existentialism;
  9. Turning your personal Instagram profile into a business one is highly annoying and makes me not want to engage, consume or advertise your product or service at all;
  10. If you're asking me---a single man who doesn't want to think of having kids right now---to "like" your Facebook page about baby products, it makes me think you don't really do your research;
  11. Most people don't know that scientific papers are meant to be as narrow as possible, therefore making broad conclusions using them as a source tells me you don't know enough science;
  12. The Roguelike/Roguelite genre has been overcrowded for at least 3 years;
  13. Google Wave would be amazing in the hands of creative zoomers/Gen-Z;
  14. Seen from the outside, 'MURICA's relationship with its Constitution is comical at best and unhealthily obsessive at worst;
  15. The Tabletop Roleplaying Community would see even more growth if it advertised all the possible games, themes, feelings and goals beyond Dungeons & Dragons;
  16. Creating any kind of social media profile for your child---under a certain age---should be outlawed, if anything to respect the individual's right to privacy and autonomy over their image, identity and online presence;
  17. Copyright should expire after 20 years, everywhere;
  18. Lots of book nerds seem to forget that film is a whole different media than books and as such it has different capabilities, limitations and goals than printed media;
  19. Andy has left opinions on 77 games on Steam so far;
  20. Terraria >>> Starbound;
  21. If I ask you "what kind of music do you listen to?" and you tell me "a bit of everything" without follow up, I consider you will listen to any crap they put in your speakers;
  22. Bravely Default should be rereleased for PC; same for Bravely Second;
  23. Lots of people asking for "unbiased" or "objective" reviews actually want subjective reviews that agree with them;
  24. There's no such thing as an "objective" review for entertainment;
  25. If you apply the "never, ever speak to an ex" rule, I suspect there's also some ugly issues in you (also known as "I believe breakups can be civil");
  26. There's nothing wrong with instant coffee, given that it's regular coffee, made from coffee beans. It's just been freeze dried;
  27. The Polynomial is a gem of programming and is great in altered states of consciousness;
  28. FreeCell > Klondike (your regular "Solitaire" that comes bundled in Windows)
  29. I'm prepared to partially forgive Christopher Paolini for some of his atrocious prose because of his age;
  30. Gen 1 Pokemon was many things---iconic, super successful both in the critical and commercial aspects, etc---but it was not balanced and it was not a hard game;
  31. Final Fantasy XIII actually had several very interesting mechanics, that were sadly obscured by its corridor-like story and maps. And Hope. And Snow. Vanille is actually a qt;
  32. Just because someone learned from [insert shitty situation] doesn't mean everyone should go through it;
  33. Just because someone learned from [insert activity, setting or occupation] doesn't mean doing it will teach everyone something;
  34. Doom clones lose lots of their difficulty when you enable mouselook, and sometimes this is for the better;
  35. Dancing Mad >>> One-Winged Angel. Don't @ me
  36. The Final Fantasy brand has lots of very interesting mechanics and stories in the handheld games, some of which are better than the main series

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