Physical satisfaction can come in the most
interesting packages. I re-met this woman while stumbling around and
drinking with friends in the dorm. She had blue vodka in a blue
bottle. I had two shots of the stuff, because the first shot was so
damn good. A couple days later, we were in a restaurant with friends,
randomly making out because we had nothing better to do. She was well
endowed, pretty in her own way, outspoken, christian, and resembled
some mix of what you call emo and goth. She was an individual; something one does not often find today.
The next thing I know, we're in bed, playing the touching and
kissing game, exploring each others bodies. The intimacy of it all was
dizzying. Soon, we were have ridiculous amounts of sex with
Paramore, Nine Inch Nails and a slew of other related music on
Pandora vibrating the air. I usually don't have sex with music, but
I didn't really want to get up and turn it off, and now there was a
tempo to stick to. Thank God we were not listening to speed metal.
It continued into the morning, at which point Denny's was the choice
of breakfast. There, a guy she slept with last week walked in. Is
this awkward? Can I even feel anything? It was Interesting to say the
This continued into the next few days: staying up way too late, not
studying for tests I should, not doing work I should, all in the name
of physical satisfaction. But why? I feel like I'm taking away time
from myself to be successful in an important way; assuming sex is not
important. The thought suddenly dawned on me: what is important?
The idea that something is important, one that requires action to
quell the yearning in one's heart, is the kind of idea that is
really important. My heart was not where my loins were. In fact, my
heart wasn't even in the same state. So I stopped the physical
satisfaction, and a day later, started a long distance relationship.
Am I insane? Most
likely, yes. However, this relationship was my most meaningful
relationship to date.
This new relationship was not cute and cuddly and easy. It was
tough. Communication came in large packages once a week, over the
phone. We decided on that because then we had more to talk about, and
we were both too busy to talk every day, and since we were far apart,
we thought it would be best to keep our emotional distance also. We
blabbed over the internet more often than we talked on the phone, but
the internet is sometimes a poor substitute for the phone, I've found
(and the phone a poor substitute for being in person).
About one month after the beginning of this relationship, I drove
the five hours up to her location in my over-heating, over 200,000
miles 12 year old honda, during finals week. What's the worst that
could go wrong? Against all the odds, it turned out very well. The
emotional release was astounding, though there was no physical release,
which in retrospect, I am thankful for. Life seemed much simpler that
way (emotions and sex mix far too well).
During our three months, we considered trying to keep the
relationship longer than a few months, although neither of us were
grounded anywhere or wanted to stay in our respective residences. Our
situation was complicated by my missing graduation from college by 0.25
points on my major GPA (different from cumulative GPA). In one day,
I went from being ungraduated, having no plan and
disappointed in myself to being signed up for the next semester with a
room and registered for the classes I needed to retake to bring up my
major GPA. She, by contrast, graduated with flying colors, and was
looking for a job. A month later, we decided that our lives were going
in two completely different directions, and that it was not fulfilling
to either of us to keep the relationship going. Though it was not
ideal, and a little sad, it gave me much relief.
I learned two things: that it is ok to be in a long distance
relationship and be happy, and that it was possible to be in a
fulfilling relationship without sharing bodily fluids.