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A Short Guide on How to Annoy Invigilators.

As a prominent Monty Python sketch went:

"It is possible to irritate people in almost any circumstance..."

  1. Take a stapler to the examination hall. When you get a string to tie your papers (for those students who don't bring staplers) , lose it and tell the invigilator loudly that you haven't received one. {Repeat as desired} When she/he gives the string staple the paper at least three times, loudly.
  2. Wear the largest watch you have. Randomly ask the invigilator for the amount of time left, while prominently showcasing your watch to him/her.
  3. Intentionally keep dropping your water bottle.
  4. Pretend you have a answers written on your hand. When the invigilator comes near you, quickly hide it.
  5. When the exam gets over, shout "YES". (And do a short jig)
  6. Keep asking the invigilator stupid questions about the paper.
  7. Keep smacking your lips at the mention of "Time" by the invigilator.
  8. Call the invigilator 'Sir' if female or 'Madam' if male.
  9. Speak to your pen, ask for answers loudly.
  10. Look at the invigilator and shake or nod chaotically.
  11. During the reading time look at the paper with horror in your eyes (Bang your head on the table for maximum effect). After the exam is over talk loudly about how easy the paper was.
  12. Scratch your head at every question, get interested in the lice/dandruff you find and keep looking at your fingers. (If you don't have any, look at them with a tinge of interest, all the same)
  13. Always wait until the invigilator has called your Roll number three times for the record.
  14. If you finish your exam before time keep staring at the invigilator.
  15. On the day of the English Literature exam, talk to your invigilator in Shakespearean English, nothing annoys more than Shakespearean English.
  16. Keep dropping your pens.
  17. If you have a metal pencil box drop it at least thrice.
  18. Stand up and yawn frequently.
  19. When the invigilator curtly says "SIT DOWN" at the bell announcing the end of the exam, stand up, scratch your ass and then sit down smiling sheepishly.
  20. Staple thrice, then spend some time taking the pins out and then again staple at the same locations. See to it that it is loud and that you have finished writing the paper.
  21. Breathe heavily whenever the invigilator passes by you.
  22. Hum Sleeping child whenever the invigilator yawns.
  23. If you don't get your answer sheet SHOUT to get his/her attention.
  24. If the invigilator asks you why you are late say a tortoise bit your cheek and it was bandaged. If h/she protests show him/her how it did it.
  25. Snicker whenever the invigilator's back is towards you.
  26. Make noises of talk whenever his/her back is towards you.
  27. If the question says "Mention..." ask the teacher in charge this " Ma'am/Sir do we have to mention or can we just name it?"
  28. Use your pencil box/board/partner's bag etc. as your guitar and practice When I come around with it. Ask your partner to sing along.
  29. Write answers on the table instead of the answer script. Use permanent markers for permanent effects.
  30. 'Accidently' staple your question paper with your partner's answer sheet.
  31. Try doing a Cheb Mami when the exam ends. Best songs to practice : Desert Rose, Prince Of Persia: Sands of Time Soundtrack 1, 5, 10. If anyone protests about you trying to sound like a girl, say that this is a guy's voice, prove it.

Taken in part from the original post here that was written by me quite some time back.

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