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So I read that the Guinness Book people are engaged in an active hunt for the world's biggest afro, and thought, "well this must be worth noding." I suppose the Guinness peeps are seeking real hair only. For the record, if artificial fros are allowed, here's a surefire way to engineer a win (or at least, an unbreakable multi-player tie)....

Step one, shave your head. Yep, shave it. You'll need it bald as a baboon's ass, because this fake 'fro won't be any of your own hair anyway.

Step two, dig a carefully-sized bowl-shaped depression somewhere on this planet, preferably on a rocky spot or in solidly packed earth. You'll probably want to finish the node before you start digging. Some commitment will be required here.

Step three, smear some glue or paste or other suitably sticky substance on your head. Smearing stuff on your head is sexy. Tell yourself that. It'll help.

Step four -- and this is the vital one -- do a headstand and lower your upside-down sticky head into that bowl-in-the-ground. Now, wait for the sticky stuff to get stuck. If you're using a slow-drying glue or maybe some cement, it might help to have someone around to talk to while it sets. Hint: if you use concrete, you don't have to be as exact in sizing that bowl-shaped hole.

Now, Presto, the whole Earth is your 'fro. You are the proud owner of a roughly spherical artificial afro some 8,000 miles in diameter. If naysayers point out that you have to remain on your head for the rest of your life to maintain this style choice, remind them that a real, natural hair afro of comparable mass would exert similar gravitational pull, and would require no less of an effort to maintain. Now that the world is your afro, go at it with a pick to keep it fresh and get all those bugs out, and remember that no one can top your 'do -- at least until they colonize Uranus.

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