Today I present you with an important editorial.
Recently, I was sent a flyer (it was left on the windshield of my Pontiac at a mini-mall). This flyer sought to solicit my help for some project called "Right Side of History" which calls for all former presidents to be dug up, pulled out of their coffins, and publicly humiliated on the National Mall. What I will ostensibly call a "group" says in their flyer that this is being done "in support of President Trump." Now, while I am a VERY well known commentator on the conservative political pundit rotation, I withdrew my support for said president when he started to get wishy-washy. I can't stand that. Being wishy-washy. Just unacceptable. So, they are barking up the wrong tree.
Those points made, what I now seek to raise to the level of national consciousness is that this is a really fucked up proposal. And having ME say that your proposal is fucked up is really saying anything. After all, I am running for president so I can greenlight the processing of 90 percent of the nation's population into food or mindless work drones. I know a thing or two about proposals of these kinds. COME ON, kids. You are trying the flex with the MASTER here.
Using our nation's precious resources (paper, ink, "machines") to promote this kind of crazy ass idea is pointless when we have real issues in this country. Why won't anyone address the disappearing Blockbuster video stores in this country? I have been trying to return an overdue copy of Ghostbusters on VHS since 1995. The late fees on this are going to kill me, and you are worried about kids and their "college tuition" when all that does is delay the inevitable, i.e. them becoming my mac daddy bitches. I can't emphasize this important, scholarly point enough. It is well researched. People want to spend the money to exhume dead presidents and descrate them on the National Mall to please the current office holder? What kind of cracker did you debonair bishes fall off of, booty fresh? Get on board said bus, shawty.
I have to question the judgment of these people, wanting to fund this kind of "expedition" I guess you could call it, when we need money to get science and math out of schools and extremist Biblical tracts into them. We need to get our house in order, not dig up dead bodies. That is a waste of our nation's precious resources, and we need more coal miners. We need them right now like you would not believe. So much coal just waiting for us under the ground. It goes without saying.
The flyer goes on to say that the "group" hopes to have pig roasts all around the reflecting pool while parking their trucks around the pool and putting their lights on for a rockin' concert festival to celebrate the goings on. I'm not sure how anyone thought any of this is in any way a reasonable idea. They need to focus on creating small businesses and going to very iffy seminars to learn about moneymaking schemes, not this crap.
Thank you for listening to this Daybreak in Utica editorial by Tony Award winning social and ethics essayist, and the celebrated writer of New York Times bestsellers who has won a lot of awards. Many categories. Qualifies me as a scholarly commentator on important issues, and I do not see this "scheme" as being worth ANY amount of study and certainly I would advise against its implications. These people really need to go back to the drawing board.
This editorial was original written for and read on Daybreak in Utica with Marshall on January 16, 2020.