Spent some time in the Bavarian treeherder lounge with treeherding associates Alistair Smyth and Wimpus von Wimpleton. Treeherder Smyth is from England, but von Wimpleton is a native of Bavaria. We talked about trees and the herding of them and made jokes about strip mining the area, which was a concept I had to explain to them, but they were keen on new ways to help the trees win their longstanding war with the rocks. As treeherders, we naturally sided with the trees in this longstanding dispute, and as fans of the environment and of trees in particular, we love the idea of strip mining.
One of the trees who had wandered away from the herd had come into the treeherder break room, which is an open air venue. Alistair got up, his bum still hurting from what I had done to it yesterday in a field, and tried to lead the wayward tree back to the herd. There was much work to be done. When you leap into a 19th century Bavarian tree herder, things can get complicated in a hurry.
The trees have not yet achieved full consciousness, but I am trying to communicate with them every day. The trees were the original source of all the new learnings you receive twenty-four hours a day on everything2.com brand website, which is owned and operated by a cadre of North Korean generals with an agenda. What that agenda is, we do not fully understand, just as we do not fully understand what plans the trees and plants have for the ultimate revenge against mankind in 2031. When I made this leap, I woke up completely naked and standing outside a garbage truck. Those were horse-drawn in those days and were basically livestock trucks, which I am a well-known fan of, being pulled by horses. Quite a sight. I chased the driver away with my naked form and then ran into a couple of troublemaking Victorian era youths. They laughed after I told them to give me their clothes, so I killed them by ripping out some of their medical organs. I've been walking around with their foppish clothing on ever since, although at work I change into my treeherder uniform. It consists of socks pulled up high with short pants overalls with suspenders. We also get a nice green hat.
I showed my balls to Wimpus von Wimpleton, as I do with every man I meet for the first time. People who met me at noder meets in the past remember this about me. I'd make them take a couple looks before I agreed to put them away. It is a nice way to get things out in the open right away when making a new friend. No secrets. Here are my balls. Look at them. Learn from them. Remember this moment. It is a good way to go about things.
If you are anything like me, you get a real kick out of convincing people to let you stay with them and then walking around their home naked all the time while verbally abusing them and physically attacking them and their family. It is something I get a real rise out of and I believe it strengthens friendships nine times out of ten (if not more). The liberal media will try to convince you this is wrong, but they have been brainwashing you. Get in your friends' homes. Impose on them as much as possible. Walk around their house naked. Urinate on their children. This is protected under the First Amendment, as shooting them when they try to make you leave is covered under the Second Amendment. Read the Constitution. Learn a goddamned thing or two for once in your miserable liberal life. Get off the fucking government dole and get on the factory line. Do it NOW. Livestock trucks WILL be coming around soon. Don't be idle.
Your friend Behr also has a new campaign promise specifically for my friends here at everything2.com brand website. When I am elected President of the United States of America I will sell the state of Michigan to the owners of everything2.com brand website for ONE DOLLAR. This website will own and operate not only fine learnings website but also the entire state of Michigan to do with as they please, including homes for elderly and dead noders. So, this is another reason for YOU to donate $70,000 to my campaign to challenge Donald Trump for the Republican primary next year. Please send in the form of an uncancellable check to the Western Union office in Utica, New York.
There is another way you can contribute to my campaign if you are a low wage earner and cannot afford the minimum $70,000 donation. I am looking for a family to stay with this fall when I formally announce my primary challenge to President Trump. You will need to have a family because I want to beat one of your children to a bloody pulp and hurl them out into the crowd. If I am to steal Trump's support, I will need to throw red meat to the crowd and I believe this will be a very effective way to do it. You will support me publicly, and in the press, when they ask how you feel about me doing that to your child. You will be making an important sacrifice for the good of the country. Think about it and do it. Do it now. Commit.
Don't be afraid of commitment or you will end up living alone. Commit yourself to my campaign. Do it. Do it now.
I can't empahasize this enough. You are my friends and I intend to have the support of most of the 100,000 noders who frequent everything2.com brand website.
Night will come soon now.