Masturbatory hazing and games

"Come on a cracker"

An apocryphal game that was part of schoolyard legend when I was in junior high school. Supposedly there were groups of adolescents who would go out in the desert (this was in Las Vegas) with a box of Saltine crackers. They would form a seated circle and begin masturbating onto one of the crackers. The last one to achieve orgasm would then, according to the rules of the game, have to eat the cracker.

Many were accused of participating in this activity, but I never saw any concrete proof that anyone ever actually did such a thing. Given that pretty much anything sexual that you can imagine is probably happening somewhere, though, it seems likely that there is a round in progress even as you read this.

The Biscuit Game - A game first played in rugby locker rooms in which two or more males masturbate vigorously, pointing their penises at a biscuit (purists insist on a digestive, but any biscuit type works equally well. There has even been some experimentation with cakes). Each player ejaculates in turn and the final player to spend himself is left with the task of devouring the soggy biscuit. A thoroughly disgusting game with extremely unsubtle homosexual overtones: indeed, it's like bukkake with a biscuit instead of an unhappy japanese woman.

Related trivia include the fact that pisspoor nu-metal quintet Limp Bizkit are named for the Australian version of the game.

Alternative titles include soggy biscuit and bunch of rugby-playing fags have a grand old time.

"Soggy Biscuit"

Perhaps one of the most humiliating fraternity hazing practices, Soggy Biscuit is a notorious practice that everyone has heard about, but few have seldom seen. Held over pledges heads like the Sword of Damocles, the mere mention of the name makes even the least homophobic of the fraternity brotherhood shudder.

Imagine if you will, a small circle of exhausted pledges, standing in a barren room in the back of a frat house. Over the previous few weeks, these boys have been subjected to unimaginable and indescribable tortures. Not satisfied your regular eating of goldfish, vaseline in the hair, locking pledges into a trunk with a case of beer, not to exit until the case is complete, the brothers decide its time for the ultimate punishment.

Each pledge is handed a piece of bread, a roll, or some other pastry product and is told to stand facing the center of the circle. They are then instructed to masturbate on that piece of pastry. And here's the kicker. Last one to soil his kaiser has to eat it. And, if they are feeling particularly evil, the last one might have to eat them all.

Aren't you glad you didn't rush?

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Known in other parts of the world as The biscuit game or Limp Biscuit (Limp Bizkit)

A fraternal/college myth involving the last rite of pledge classes.

The story usually goes like this:

After a solid week of sleep deprivation, the pledges are led to the fraternity house’s pitch-black basement. Once there, they’re told Hell Week is almost over and only one final step remains: The Gooky Cookie, also known as Ookie in the Cookie. It pretty much follows what sl0throp said above: the lights go on and the pledges are instructed to encircle a large cookie sitting on the floor. Then they’re told to prove their loyalty by doing the ultimate disgusting act – masturbating in front of each other and aiming their discharge onto the cookie. The last person to climax eats the gook, and if you don’t get any of your semen on the cookie - you help him. Obviously there’s a Semen Judge amongst the brothers. One can only wonder how he gets the job.

Just imagine it: You’ve been going through months of 3AM 5-mile runs ending in hundreds of pushups, forced binge drinking until you vomit, constant verbal abuse, and an on-call servitude rivaling slavery itself. It all peaks with the worst 7 days of your life: you’re not allowed to speak, not allowed to sleep, and you spend each waking hour running from place to place trying to meet ridiculous deadlines, only to find a bunch of angry guys screaming at you. It’s worse than the army. And then, when it’s almost over – you’re told to wank your pud in front of your co-suffers and possibly eat their spew.

And if you bail, all that bullshit you went through was for naught.

Talk about a setup.

For the life of me I can’t figure WHAT the worth of this is, beyond extreme degradation and a laugh for the brothers (who watch their newest members wank off?) I suppose gross speculation would say that public masturbation is a bonding ritual, but surely there’s better ways to become buddies. Watch a football game. Go kill a small furry animal together. Anything.

But as I said before, it’s likely just an urban/college myth. Though I wasn’t in a fraternity nearly all my best friends were – and they shared their secrets. None ever claimed to have participated nor heard of an actual Gooky Cookie ritual happening. It’s likely just a satiric invention of non-greeks, or an antiquated ritual eradicated by the PC 90s, surviving now as joke and myth.