She said yes.

I feel it. Every moment that I’m awake I feel it. Icy fingers massaging my heart. Why can’t I get rid of this? I don’t like to complain, and I tend to ignore feelings that cause me heartache. But when I think of those eyes I am instantly put into a lonesome state of mind. I don’t know, maybe it’s because it was just a year ago that I was moved here. Two weeks before school ended, not even a chance to say goodbye. My parents are still asking me to this day why I’m mad at them. And the truth is, I don’t even know anymore. I just miss those eyes.

Only when I dream am I truly focused on my present self, for my dreams tend to be always about surviving certain situations, no matter how bizarre. But in the reality of this world all I can think about is escaping this hell. But it’s not really hell, I’ll admit it is beautiful up here. I’ve never been around so much green shit in my life. But I need to see the blue skies every now and then. And when I do I need to feel the sun. And I do miss the comforting sensation of a warm breeze. I don’t think I even remember what its like; the closest I get to that anymore is standing next to a vent in the ground with the heater turned up full blast.

When will I ever truly be at home?

Yeah, so the past year or so of my life has gone into a seemingly never ending blur. I have come to my own realization that life is all bullshit. There is no god, and no life after death. There is no "eternal happiness." There is only life, painful irritating life. Everyday, you wake up to another car accident, where a mother and her child were killed instantly, their lives ended. Everyday, you hear about another incident in some country, where hundreds die because they have no food. Everyday, people are getting older and older, tortured into age as they lose their abilities, and shortly their lives. Here we are, billions of people, ignorant to the suffering. Here we are, billions of people, living lies. Life is so terrible, yet I am still alive because, no matter how bad it is, I must hold on.

I have started doing drugs again. They help ease off life, until death.
I have seen the sun rise every day this week and not of my own volition. I haven't been able to sleep, I mean really sleep, in forever. I am sure that this is entirely stress related, I have never been this stressed in my life. so what am I stressed about? I am stressed about life, school, girls, stress, my parents, my housing situation, a more concise answer could be delivered for the question what am I not stressed about.

I am living in hell here, drunken ass holes have caused nearly $20,000 in damages to the common areas of my building, which comes partially out of my pocket, I am less concerned with the money than I am with the lack of respect for the community in general that this displays. I don't really blame them though, I don't really have that much respect for most of the people in my building either. I certainly don't have any respect for the administration. they decided that since we have been so bad they are going to make this, and I quote, "a more hostile environment". they said that at the building meeting and one of my favorite people in the world stood up and pointed out how stupid that was, they denied having said it. this hostile environment has come right back in their faces, the damage has nearly doubled since that meeting, only three weeks past.

My living situation however is only part of my stress, then there is school. School and I hate each other right now, I have been doing really well, then I stopped caring and now I am not sure how I am doing. I am in school because I want to learn but they don't really want to teach me anything. they are more interested in my making lots of money when I am done, I don't want the life that they are preparing me for here. Then there is the issue of the classes. I am challenged by the classes here but not intellectually, my ability to be punctual and my time management skills are challenged.

Then there is the girl--so I met this fantastic girl a few months ago and everything looked to be exactly what I wanted; appearances can be deceiving. now I am left feeling like she is giving me mixed messages only to realize that my confusion as to what was going on has been causing me to give her mixed messages which brings them right back to me as she tries to fly by the seat of her pants and figure out what the hell is going on.

My only comfort is knowing that it is all going to be over and I will be on to something else in just under 2 weeks.

Mouth where closed will be
Mouth where open is
Wall of hands keep the time
Whispers I (not now) I of is
The train listens to kisses well,
Fueled by the secrets of kisses
Telling this grinding taste of ache-
Smart ache-
Brick ache-
Pleasure in tender in pulling.
Propelled by canned heat.
Seesaw, this can know of something.
I, you, about to be,
Overmaking the already.
Giggles of connected limbs and wild test kisses,
Breathy by ache eyes dancing
The moan of you
I kiss to end still
(This is dancing
Standing fucklust)
Sheets in on yes under, glow
A handful of you
Your muscles and tourniquets
Door through archways to upthink bone kisses
Lips taste, nuzzle us
Your something wound into mine,
Kisses ecstatic softly discovered.
Bone slipped into a socket, not over
The grass and flowers are into it too.
To pleasure your heat,
Thoughts are dose dancing,
Fresh bloom, muscles ache joy
Rolling blooms leave/enter your lips now
Softly in optimism
Something brick fast, the love of yes
Ridiculous ache rushes,
Hips no longer alone
Reading movement
Repetitive where my heart and petals are
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.