Irreverent parody of trendy political causes; a phrase frequently found on bumper-stickers in Texas, or so Sarah tells me. It seems to be a sort of "Fuck the uptight Yankees (/Hippies / Californians / Pinkos / etc.)" expression, but it goes beyond that: it mocks traditionally leftist causes: nuclear disarmament, gay rights, environmentalism, as well as mocking rightist/conservative causes such as "Right to Life" and bringing God back to our Society. There's something in here to piss off just about anyone. Basically an anti-PC statement. It almost amuses me.

God Works in Mysterious Ways

I admit it... I did it. I know that your standards don't consider it rational. "Why?" you ask, with your one eybrow raised, and your head tilted towards me as though I'd done something sinister. Well, if you're going to have a positive reaction to the actions that I've made... you've gotta have faith, as George Micheals so cleverly put it.

Picture this. I'm in a hotel room one day, going over the Gideon bible, and I hear a voice. It's my father (dead these ten years) giving me driving directions. I didn't question him, I thought it well that he was speaking to me at this point in time. I knew that he was in heaven, all was well, and that I was doing the right thing. I got in my car and drove.

and drove...

and drove...

I ended up finally at this seedy little place about 3 hours drive from where I lived, which was in the 'burbs'. Now I'd made it all the way to the big city, and even, in fact, to the waterfront. I was instructed to park my car in the alley and leave my keys in it. I did so without even a second thought, nabbing a stick of gum and popping it in my mouth as I started walking towards an abandoned warehouse. I knocked briskly on the door, and turned around, putting my hands in my pockets and whistling a little. Then... something disturbing happened. My father's voice faded off...

I sensed trouble.

And as luck would have it, my suspicion was immediately followed by someone opening the door behind me. I turned to witness the moonlight glinting off of some steel barrel, which certainly belonged to a modern piece of conventional weaponry. I would've soiled myself, but being shoved by some previously unseen fellow, my bowels contorted unusually and uncomfortably. I was led through a series of rooms, I don't know how large this place was, but it certainly looked smaller from the outside. I ended up being left in front of a desk, with a monitor in front of me. It was covered in pictures of flames, with little bodies writhing in them. I was entranced by it, it drew me in... and as I leaned towards it -

The door bursts open and a guy swaggers in, he's wearing an expensive suit, and smoking an stogie that was ridiculously huge. He introduces himself.

"Hiya there, my name's Hay-zoos, I got a proposition for ya."

I was all ears.

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