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1The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.

2 What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?

3 Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

8 Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.

9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible
back to: Proverbs
Book: Proverbs
Chapter: 31

An exhortation to King Lemuel to take heed of Sin, and to do
duties. (1-9) The description of a virtuous Woman. (10-31)

1-9 When children are under the mother's Eye, she has an
opportunity of fashioning their minds aright. Those who are
grown up, should often Call to mind the good teaching they
received when children. The many awful instances of promising
characters who have been ruined By vile women, and Love of Wine,
should warn every one to avoid these evils. Wine is to be used
for want or medicine. Every Creature of God is good, and Wine,
though abused, has its use. By the same rule, due praise and
consolation should be used as cordials to the dejected and
tempted, not administered to the confident and self-sufficient.
All in authority should be more carefully temperate even than
other men; and should be protectors of those who are unable or
afraid to plead their own cause. Our blessed Lord did not
decline the bitterest Dregs of the Cup of sorrow Put into his
hands; but he puts the Cup of consolation into the hands of his
people, and causes those to rejoice who are in the deepest

10-31 This is the description of a virtuous Woman of those
days, but the general outlines equally suit every Age and
nation. She is very careful to recommend herself to her
Husband's esteem and Affection, to know his mind, and is willing
that he rule over her. 1. She can be trusted, and he will leave
such a Wife to manage for him. He is happy in her. And she makes
it her constant business to do him good. 2. She is one that
takes pains in her duties, and takes pleasure in them. She is
careful to fill up time, that none be lost. She rises early. She
applies herself to the business proper for her, to women's
business. She does what she does, with all her power, and
trifles not. 3. She makes what she does turn to good account By
prudent management. Many undo themselves By buying, without
considering whether they can afford it. She provides Well for
her House. She lays up for hereafter. 4. She looks Well to the
ways of her household, that she may oblige all to do their duty
to God and one another, as Well as to her. 5. She is intent upon
giving as upon getting, and does it freely and cheerfully. 6.
She is discreet and obliging; every Word she says, shows she
governs herself By the rules of Wisdom. She not only takes
prudent measures herself, but gives prudent advice to others.
The Law of Love and kindness is written in the Heart, and shows
itself in the tongue. Her Heart is full of another world, even
when her hands are most busy about this world. 7. Above all, she
fears the Lord. Beauty recommends none to God, nor is it any
proof of Wisdom and Goodness, but it has deceived many a Man who
made his choice of a Wife By it. But the fear of God reigning in
the Heart, is the beauty of the soul; it lasts for ever. 8. She
has firmness to Bear up under crosses and disappointments. She
shall reflect with comfort when she comes to be old, that she
was not idle or useless when young. She shall rejoice in a world
to come. She is a great blessing to her relations. If the Fruit
be good, the tree must have our good Word. But she leaves it to
her own Works to praise her. Every one ought to desire this
honour that cometh from God; and according to this standard we
all ought to regulate our judgments. This description let all
women daily study, who desire to be truly beloved and respected,
useful and honourable. This Passage is to be applied to
individuals, but may it not also be applied to the Church of
God, which is described as a virtuous Spouse? God By his Grace
has formed from among sinful men a Church of true believers, to
possess all the excellences here described.

Read the original first


The words of Queen Latifah, an oracle that her father taught her:

No, my daughter, no daughter of my loins,
Do not give your body to loose men,
Your ways are the ways that leadeth
to the battered women’s shelter,
It is not for queens to drink wine,
Or for Ladies to desire strong drink:
Or else they will drink and forget to keep thine panties up.
And pass liquor to the children though thine breasts,
Give strong drink to rich single men in Las Vegas,
And wine to those who have turned a bitter forty,
Let them drink and forget their sagging breasts,
And remember their wrinkles no more
Speak out for those who cannot speak,
And for the rights of all the destitute.
Speak out, make fashion decisions righteously
And give your dated garments to the poor and needy.

A capable husband who can find?
He is far more precious than diamond earrings,
He’s a man you can actually put your trust in,
A man who pulls his weight in all that you do.
He seeketh out new cabinetry,
He waxeth the floor with willing hands,
He is like the cat upon the hunt,
And brings home the right items from the grocery.
He rises while it is still at night,
And prepareth his own lunch
On pay day he bringeth home the bacon.
He considers his budget before spending
With the fruit of his hands the ‘honey do” list gets done,
He works out hard at the gym,
To keepeth his manly nature firm,
He sees that his work is profitable,
He tarryeth not at the nudie bar
He placeth his hands upon the mop handles
He taketh out the garbage unasked
Your toilet seat is always down.
He is kind to the poor, and cryeth during sad movies
He is not aware of your spreading bottom,
Your clothes and haircut are always flattering in his eyes
He lets you buy all his clothing,
And never peeped when you got rid of his favorite t-shirt.
He picketh up his underwear
His wife is popular at the coffee shops and beauty parlors
She takes her seat among the elders of the land.
He makes wooden furniture and sells them,
The dishes always sparkle
Passion and fidelity are his clothing
And he laughs at the floozie next door.
He speaketh only wisdom
And teaches kindness with every word and deed.
He never lies around in his underwear
His children never have to compete with football
And he always reads them a bedtime story
Many men have done well, but He surpasses them all.
Bulging biceps grow flabby and money does not guarantee fidelity,
But a man who fears the Lord is to be praised
Give him a large screen TV, wear exciting underwear to bed,
And let his actions praiseth him in the eyes of your friends

Written for the Everything Quests: The PC Bible


I have not liked many of the entries in the Quest, simply because I think many showed no real respect for the original texts. However, Proverbs 31's description of the perfect wife offered real PC possibilities, given that only a men could have described the perfect woman in a way that only someone who lived on amphetamines could meet the bar.

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