The general consensus seems to be that Angelina is this unbridled, demonic nymphomaniac. I can only assume this is because we coalesce her seductive eyebrow raises, her (as Winona Ryder put it) "most darling figure", her unguarded proclamations, her fetish for blood, her collection of knives, and her partiality to women as well as men. Yet she insists that everybody mistakes sheer energy for sexuality. She is genuinely mystified that people find her dazzlingly sensual. She thought she was playing tomboyish parts; that this would portray her as 'the girl next door' or just a girl in a corner. She says she has only slept with a handful of people in her life. She confesses that she never liked being touched, ever. She never trusted anybody touching her. She always felt like she didn't really live in this world. She went through a period in which her incapacity to feel something, anything crippled her to the point of self-mutilation. She didn't really ever settle; she was never grounded or safe. She thought she'd burn until she went out..

And then she met Billy Bob Thornton, (who is not so ugly, SheThing) and it all changed. "I've found out who I really am through my marriage to Billy Bob.. I'm so much a wife!" She then tells us that they were speaking about getting a farm, "with sheep and ducks, and I want a billygoat really badly! I want to bottlefeed a baby billygoat - in the kitchen".
Ahem, for a girl who marries covered in blood (and who also wears a vial around her neck with Billy Bob's blood in it) isn't feeding a billygoat just a tiny bit.. normal? (Well, as normal as she could get). She is clearly, definitely in love.

"We joke sometimes about it", she says. "We think we're going to knock each other out, because you just love somebody so much, you just want to push them over". And consequently, life seems real now.

Angelina says that though she wants very much to live now, she didn't always. She says, "you can't really commit to life when you feel unsettled and disconcerted". She actually hired a hitman to kill her once. The hitman however, was a strange breed of compassionate; he didn't want to do it. He told her to wait one month, and if she still wanted to die, he would do it. Of course, after that month, she had changed her mind. The reason she had hired a hitman, rather than simply killing herself, if any of you are wondering, is that she never wanted to hurt anybody around her. When someone commits suicide, loved ones, family members place blame upon themselves and others. But with murder, there'd be no guilt.

Angelina's newest exploit is Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. I would compare it to Charlie's Angels in that, quality wise, it is lacking.. something. A dimension perhaps? But it is very watchable, if only for the dazzling and cliché kung fu chick value, the cheesy lines, the everchanging, exotic panorama, and ultimately, endlessly, Angelina herself. I may not have seen the film if someone else had played the part. And oh, her breasts aren't really that large. Lara Croft has impossible dimensions just like Barbie. Huge breasts and an intolerably tiny waist. Croft was in fact a DD cup but they didn't want to take it that far. They padded out Angelina's C cup to a D.

Running list of Angelina's Tattoos:

  • Dragon on left arm
  • Cross on thigh
  • H on left wrist
  • Dragon with tribal design on lower back
  • Japanese symbol for death on shoulder
  • Cross on lower front hip
  • "Quod me nutrit me destruit" Latin on stomach (What nourishes me also destroys me)
  • Courage ... was removed
  • Blue box on lower back, centre.
  • "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages"- Tennessee Williams quote on left inside forearm
  • Billy Bob above dragon tattoo on left shoulder
How they cover these up in films I do not know.
B. 6/4/75 in Los Angeles, CA.

Good looking actors in Hollywood are a dime a dozen but at least Angelina Jolie is somewhat talented and knows how to keep herself in the press.

The daughter of actor Jon Voight, Angelina began studying acting before her teens. When her career picked up speed, she gave up her dream of being a funeral director completely.

She co-starred with Jonny Lee Miller (also of Trainspotting) in a movie called Hackers. The two quickly married. At the ceremony the eccentric Jolie wore black leather and had Jonny's name spelled out across her body in blood. Ah romance!

The two separated within a year and divorced in 2000.

She starred in a number of lackluster films (Playing God, Love is All There Is, Without Evidence) in the next few years and received her second Golden Globe Award for her performance in Gia. In that film she played a drug addled bisexual supermodel.

Critics have said that Jolie pushes emotional, physical and mental boundaries with each of her performances that cookie-cutter actors like Charlize Theron and Gretchen Mol could never get to. It came as no surprise then that she won an Academy Award for her work in Girl, Interrupted, co-starring Winona Ryder.

In recent months Jolie's, personal life and not her acting have become the latest tongue wagger. Many people speculated that her relationship with her brother, James Haven, was a bit too close after Jolie gushed said: "I am so in love with my brother right now..," during her acceptance speech at the Oscars. Jolie and her brother deny claims of any hanky panky and excuse their overtly affectionate behavior as a result of the lack of attention they each received from their parents after their divorce. Jolie has said in interviews that she and her brother were always there for each other in those troubling years. In any event, both seem to enjoy the media spotlight.

In May, Jolie and actor Billy Bob Thornton married in Las Vegas. This came as a surprise to many since Billy Bob had been engaged to actress Laura Dern a few weeks prior; not to mention the fact that Billy Bob is old and horse ass ugly. Jolie is wife #5 for Billy.

For a moment frozen in time (see nodes below), Angelina was forever destined to be bound in connubial bliss with Billy Bob Thornton. Damn, but that was noded a long time ago. Bitch done traded the f**k up since then!!

First, the obligatory pre-2001 rundown of biographical details, for those who can't be troubled to go down a node. DOB: June 4, 1975; birth name Angelina Jolie Voight (being the daughter of John Voight, who she later disowned -- she legally dropped the "Voight" in 2002). Her mother was also an actress, Marcheline Bertrand. Jolie's parents split in 1976 and she and her brother were raised by their mother, on a modest income. Jolie took up modeling (and cutting herself) as a young teen, appeared as the lithesome sex appeal in some music videos, and popped up in a few movies that started building her career. She married (and shortly divorced) Hackers costar Jonny Lee Miller (probably his claim to fame to this day is "I banged Angeline Jolie for a whole year"). Then came an Oscar for Girl, Interrupted, and then Billy Bob, and now we're halfway into 2001.

So what has Ms. Jolie been up to since then? A fairly consistent film career (a total of sixteen pictures released), with some plaudits, for one thing. Among these was a forgettable Tomb Raider sequel in 2003 -- which came out shortly after her divorce from Billy Bob was finalized, and she got custody of the Cambodian child they had adopted not long before. She did this little film called Mr. & Mrs. Smith in 2005, where she worked with this dude named Brad. He was married (didn't matter). She had some other films here and there, but her biggest year yet (filmwise) was 2008, she voiced a character for Kung Fu Panda (don't mock, this movie has been her biggest money-maker yet, raking in north of half a billion dollars), and in that same year she brought in a "Best Actress" Academy Award nomination for her starring turn in Changeling, a 1920s period drama helmed by Clint Eastwood. Also featuring Jolie in 2008 was Wanted, also a box office success. She appeared in no films released in 2009, although 2010 has several releases scheduled.

Here's the full list of Jolie pics from 2001 (after Tomb Raider to 2010, courtesy of IMDB:
Wanted.... (2008)
Changeling.... (2008)
Kung Fu Panda.... (2008)
Beowulf.... (2007)
A Mighty Heart.... (2007)
The Good Shepherd.... (2006)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith.... (2005)
Alexander.... (2004)
The Fever.... (2004)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.... (2004)
Shark Tale.... (2004) (voice)
Taking Lives.... (2004)
Beyond Borders.... (2003)
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.... (2003)
Life or Something Like It.... (2002)
Original Sin.... (2001)

Original Sin, by the way, included some very, very naked, borderline pornography sex scenes between Jolie and Antonio Banderas.

But a lion's share of Jolie's press coverage in the retrospective decade has come from pursuits outside her acting chops. She adopted several children (which has led some to charge that she is "buying children as fashion accessories"), and bore three, including most recently a set of twins. She stole Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston (and so restored a bit of harmony to a Universe clearly displeased with that mismatch). Let's face facts, folks, rumors aside, he seems happier. Aniston may kiss a girl from time to time, but she just doesn't seem the type to get all that freaky. Apparently marriage itself turned out not to be for either of them (Pitt and Jolie, that is); although she has now borne three of Pitt's offspring, the couple sometimes tabbed as "Brangelina" are determined to keep living in sin (despite an almost constant kerfuffle of tabloid tidbits insisting that the pair is on the outs and total dissolution is in the offing).

And at last -- lost in all of the hullabaloo over love affairs and action roles and awards ceremonies and births/adoptions is the great deal of work that Jolie has done towards making the world better of a place than it would be absent her efforts. While filming that first Tomb Raider flick, she was exposed to the deprivations of third world life and has been steady in her efforts to combat these ills. She became a United Nations goodwill ambassador, and has with Pitt worked to raise funds for causes from relief following Hurricane Katrina 2005 to help for Haiti following the heartwrenching tragedy there in 2010, with countless similarly activities in between (and preceding). There's a degree to which Hollywood types are given a roll of the eye when it comes to their charitable work, as if it is thought to be perfunctory and PR-driven (though a fellow noder instists that it is nonetheless all about the PR, and that Jolie is "one of those celluloid leftists who talks a good fight about it"). But Jolie has been involved at a higher level than many of her peers, and has been so since before she was quite as big a sensation as she has now become in the public eye.

Quick update: in May of 2013 Jolie went public with her preventative double-mastectomy intended to head off the breast cancer from which her mother died, and for which Jolie was at a high risk.

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