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Carpe the mmmmm, let go of a sigh.  

There are seven thousand, four hundred and twelve ways to do nothing on a bed. Create one more. Moan when you do. 

Bite your pillow and feel apathy ooze out, nay, gush out of you. Lie there, relish the lightness and then bite your pillow again. This time, with eyes closed.  

Understand the philosophy of your ceiling. What is the message of its monotone, which is the language of its cracks, what fable hides behind that cobweb?  

Read the obituary column of last Friday’s newspaper. Are there any funny typographical errors there? Can you add these to your collection? 

Pour your whole being into the third toe of your left leg. Can you feel it tingling? Are you making it cells explode? Wiggle it, squiggle it and let it be still. Look, it’s saluting you. 

Think of all the things you need to do. Think of a time when you won’t need to do all those things. That time is now. 


Mute your cellphone and place it next to you. Watch it brrrr and flash angrily when someone calls you. Resist everything; the need to pick it up, the need to know who called, the need to speak. Well done, you just took a small step towards boddhisatva

Watch the last ten minutes of a black-and-white Iranian movie on DVD without sub-titles. Why is a little kid jumping hoops of joy beside the dead body of a donkey? Is that man the kid’s father or the former owner of the donkey or both? Carry this mystery to your grave

Fuck Monday morning, it’s just a myth. 

Be retarded. Favour one eye. Wear only a bedsheet. Fart if you must. If there’s anything you won’t dream of doing in front of others, here’s your chance to make an epic out of it. Applaud yourself when you are through. 

If the doorbell rings, mentally picture yourself in a Kubrick movie, with Beethoven playing and there’s an axe that needs some swinging. Physically, don’t bother beyond a soft tap on your belly

Hum your favourite advertising jingle. Keep beat with that toe.

Don't and then don't again. Just don't. Most definitely don't. Of course don't. Yes, don't. Always don't. Never not don't. Remember please, don't. And for the last time, don't.

Find out the enormous differences between a nap, a snooze and a siesta. Don’t trust your findings until you test them again. Go.

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