Table Of Contents

Chapter XII - Excerpt from the 1992 World Insulting Championship Final in Brussels (Vassilyevich vs. White)

1992, it must be noted, was not a particularly good year for the ozone layer, Chilean wines and insulting. The championship, held in Brussels as a tribute to Belgian stupidity, was of very low standard throughout. Most of the insults were shallow and drab, and it came as no surprise to the vast crowds which flocked the stadiums where the championship was held, that the previous year's champion, Victor White (USA) and his runner up, Gregory Vassilyevich (USSR) met once more in the finals again.
(They had previously met once more already, so that sentence construction is just fine.)

Vassilyevich: So, you pestilent fungus, we meet again in the finals.

White: Yes, and incredibly, my resentment towards your mother has grown since last year.

Vassilyevich: That is indeed incredible, my dear Brown, for I myself have grown quite 
  fond of your mother in the past year.  

White: I am glad, oh worthy opponent, unfortunately, my  mother does not feel the same about you. 
  In fact, she was recently quoted as saying "My, that Russian Vassilyevich, not only was he beaten 
  by my son in the finals, but he has a surprisingly small penis."  ; (seemingly a good move, the 
  penis entry is slightly early, and this will prove crucial later on in the match.)

Vassilyevich: Surprisingly small for a Russian, I admit.  I cannot help that my 9 inches are
  a disgrace to the Russian nation.

White: Nation?  Ha! You call that a nation? More like a colony of wankers! ; (White is cracking 
  under the pressure surprisingly early.  A better move would have been Kt-KB3+.)

Vassilyevich: It is not like you to stoop so low, I believe you are once again cracking under
  the pressure, like that time you were beaten up for wearing your mummy's lipstick and didn't 
  go to back to school for 2 weeks.

White: Why, you Russian buttfucker, your grandmother is a fucking bitch. ; (White has 
  effectively lost. Vassilyevich is aware of this and he comes up with the surprise move:)

Vassilyevich: And that is why I have a dream that all of my children will be just like you.

White resigns.

Back to Chapter XI - Miscellaneous insults . . . Forward to Appendix A - Mix 'n' Match

Cletus: If you bother to look through the history, I think you'll find that Vassilyevich not only competed, but was only one entrant among a contingent of five who represented the Commonwealth of Independent States in the championship. Vassilyevich is himself from Georgia, and therefore not even really a Russian. It's a sign of his form that he didn't let this pettiness distract him, in spite of White's persistent attack on his sense of identity. Any lingering insecurity could have cost him the game.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.