display | more...

I've seen Kazaam. I've seen Car 54 Where Are You? I've seen Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. I've even seen Santa With Muscles. So when I state the following, it comes from years of film-watching experience.

The Wash is the worst film I have ever seen.

The Wash is a 2001 film starring Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre, centered around their activities while being roommates and working at the local car wash. It is not a reprisal of the mid-1970s Richard Pryor classic Car Wash. It was directed and written by DJ Pooh, who is best known for assisting in the writing of the mid-1990s film Friday. The film is one hour and thirty four minutes long and is distributed by Lion's Gate.

This film literally fails in every way that I can think of that a film can fail, going beyond "so bad that it's good" to "so bad that it makes me want to go to the dentist to end the pain." I suffered for you to write this, E2. I suffered for you.

Here's the "plot." Sean (Dr. Dre) and Dee Loc (Snoop Dogg) live together in an apartment. The two characters are basically the public personas the pair have adopted; in other words, they're both gangstas. During the first forty minutes or so, the movie plays like a "gangsta" version of The Odd Couple, with Dre as the figurative Felix and Snoop as Oscar. In other words, comparatively, Sean is the responsible one, although both of them spend the movie getting repeatedly stoned and trying desperately to be "playas."

Eventually, we find out that the drug dealing, hustling Dee Loc works at a local car wash (called The Wash) while Sean is jobless. Sean has to pay rent and his car has been impounded, so Dee Loc tells him to go get a job down at The Wash. Sean goes down there by himself and gets a job as Dee Loc's boss, and comic tension and gangsta hijinks ensue with pot smoking references a-go-go. Eventually, there's some kidnapping plot near the end involving the owner of the car wash, but by this point I was trying to stab my eye out with the last piece of licorice that I still had.

I am still literally in disbelief as to how bad this film is. I was hoping for a remake of the rather clever and humorous Car Wash. Instead, this film was merely an excuse to promote the public personas of Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg for an hour and a half. There is essentially no plot and the only attempts at humor seem to be drug references, of which there are so many that they cease to be funny.

One would think that the two central characters would be able to pull off this persona, especially since it is basically what they have presented to the public for the last ten years. Yet they somehow make it seem difficult and forced. Many of the scenes (especially the ones actually in the car wash) seem as though the two are struggling with reading cue cards that are barely off camera.

Even worse is the camerawork which seems to be straight out of The Blair Witch Project. The production work in the duo's music videos is much, much higher than this film, which fancies itself to be a major motion picture, I suppose. The poster is the best part of the film, folks.

If you want to see a humorous film about a car wash with a lot of drug references, go rent Car Wash. If you want to see a modern film featuring "gangsta" rappers, go see Friday, Higher Learning, or especially Three Kings. I can't think of a reason to bother to see this film.

The Wash is the largest bay in England. Roughly square in shape, 30 km to a side, coming off the North Sea south-eastward, forming the division between the counties of Lincolnshire and Norfolk.

The rivers Witham, Welland, Nene, and Great Ouse flow into it. All the country they drain before The Wash is very flat and fenny. It is perfect country for birds and birdwatchers but pretty depressing for human beings. ("Whilst some would refer to the area as bleak, windswept and monotonous, the remoteness and openness of the intertidal marshes seen against the setting of the agricultural hinterland together with the vast skies, sea smells and above all the teeming bird life combine to form a landscape of rare quality." -- www.wildfowling.com -- Well they would say that, wouldn't they?)

Legend says that King John (1199-1216) lost the Crown Jewels in the Wash, as part of his baggage train.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.