"Welcome back, everyone! Here at the 2001 E2 Noding Semifinals, brought to you by the Perl Monks, where users Jubu and MoeFoe have just gotten together for their fourth round of competitive noding!"
"That's right, both users have been practicing long and hard at the nodeshell challenge event and have even gone head-to-head a few times in the past. But never before have they competed against each other in the cutthroat voting requirements of the Semifinals, have they?"
"No, they haven't, and as the last three rounds show, they've had to adapt pretty quickly. Jubu's strength is clearly in factual noding, as he showed in his well-researched writeups for 'John Adams' and 'Boxer Rebellion'."
"Yes, but MoeFoe undercut him badly in the more creatively-designed 'if the unknown were audible, what would it say?'. And it looks like MoeFoe may have the edge in this round again -- they just threw up the node title, and it's 'gay robot sex'!"
"'Gay robot sex'? Man, I wouldn't want to be the noder having to tackle that one!"
"You said it, and you can tell by Jubu's expression that he's not looking forward to it. A fact-based writeup for that one would score him thirty or more upvotes from our panel of judges...."
"...Assuming, of course, that he can find factual information to write up!"
"That's right, and in the meantime, MoeFoe's creative muscles are already flexing, judging from the smile on his face. And the judges are unlocking the noder's keyboards... NOW!"
"And they're diving right into it! Jubu is firing up the Search tool in one browser window and Google in the other and searching for anything he can find, while MoeFoe is... well, I don't think we can keep the camera on him, because it looks to me like he's going for the erotica angle!"
"MoeFoe does indeed excel at noding for laughs, that's for sure. If the judges like what they see he's likely to get, well, I'd say at least forty upvotes and only a handful of downvotes, if that."
"Better yet, it looks like he's well in the lead, and he'll get 'First Post' advantage by a mile!"
"Now, while our noders are typing away, let's talk about 'First Post' for a second. What are the pros and cons to being the first writeup in a new node?"
"Well, the first writeup has the advantage of being read twice by voters who spot the title in the New Writeups nodelet, once for his writeup and once for the next guy's. But in competitive noding, where all nodes are voted on once by a judging panel, that advantage is taken away."
"That's right, so you're left with the better-worse effect. Some noders think that a bad writeup will garner more downvotes if it's followed by a clearly superior writeup, and some think it'll be worse off if it's second. What do you think?"
"Personally, I'd rather be the first writeup than the second, because... whoa, look at that! Did you see what Jubu just found!"
"I sure did, and let's pull that Web page up for all our viewers. It's... oh, I can't believe his luck!"
"That's not luck, my friend, that's good hard research! Jubu has just found an animefu review of an import DVD about, of all things, lesbian giant robots! With cross references, no less!"
"He's already scanned the content and he's checking out the referenced reviews, doing a Google search for more information on those movies just in case... he's already composing his writeup, this is amazing! I never would have thought he'd be able to find something like that!"
"Well, the clock is halfway up, and MoeFoe is about two-thirds of the way through his 'gay robot sex' erotica, and let's take a look at what he's .... oh, my.... ha, ha, ha ha ha!"
"All right, spill it, what's he got so far?"
"Well, I can't be explicit without getting censored, so I'll sum it up for you: 'Transformers are gay anyway'."
"Oh, no, he didn't...."
"Yes, he did, and it's a riot! Oh, the judges are going to love this...."
"Well he's going to have some tough competition, because it looks like Jubu is well on his way to finishing his own writeup... look at this, look at that paragraph structure! This is amazing, even for a master factual noder like Jubu this is just amazing stuff. I don't see how he could do less than forty-five upvotes from what I've seen so far, provided he finishes his writeup in the time alotted."
"Well, he'd better hurry, because MoeFoe just posted his writeup! Most of the judges are reading it now, as the rules permit, and you can hear them laughing about it, oh man, Jubu is going to have a hard time competing against that."
"That's probably true, a factual writeup following a creative one doesn't usually do as well as the reverse, and from the look on Jubu's face he knows it... this looks like it's going to be a second win for MoeFoe, and we'll have to go to a fifth...."
"Wait a minute! Oh my, MoeFoe is in trouble! Look at that!"
"Oh, this is crippling! A judge has softlinked MoeFoe's writeup to 'There's already a node about this'! It looks like... yep, a judge recognized the story as being nearly identical to 'Quizro's phone smells like cigarettes and Obsession for Men (gay porn version)', and the rest of the judges are coming in now and seeing the softlinks! Oh, man, those downvotes are going to hurt!"
"Yes, indeed, especially when MoeFoe realizes he's got those softlinks and Jubu's factual writeup to compete with, which is being posted... right now, there it is!"
"And the clock is still ticking with about thirty seconds, our noders are going to work catching last-minute typos and unverified hardlinks, but there's not much to worry about from these two experienced noders."
"That's right, so let's go take a look at the judges... Yep, just like we expected, MoeFoe is getting the downvotes now, Jubu is racking up the upvotes from every single judge, this is unbelievable!"
"And that's not the least of it, Jubu's got a Ching! on top of it! Look at that writeup, not one spelling mistake, and the surprise arrival of factual content in a node like this has gotten him.... oh, I don't believe it!"
"But it is, a perfect score, fifty upvotes and a C! -- absolutly amazing! MoeFoe is hanging his head, and Jubu is just spinning in his office chair! That's three rounds won, and Jubu is advancing to the Finals!"
"An amazing round, a total upset for Jubu on that last round, and he is to be congratulated for his hard work and quick research! Let's go now to the Cheddarbox for the post-game interview...."
break for commercial