When going out to the local dive for a few pints, it's always good to know one or two novelty bar tricks. Whether you're saddled up to the bar with a few friends, or with new acquaintances, it's never a bad idea, when trying to kill some time, or break the ice, to try and get a few laughs going in order for these things to occur.
The following trick is, quite simply, called "the cum trick", and it often does the job of amusing the masses -- even if there is a kind of "gross-out" factor at the end, as realisation sets in.
Step one: Take a cigarette butt -- your own, or if you dare, someone else's, out of the ashtray.
Step two: Remove the filter from the cigarette butt. This can usually be achieved by rolling the butt around in one's fingers, pinching near one end or the other, until the fibrous filter starts making its way out. Dispose of the filter.
Step three: taking a key, or a small pocketknife, slice open lengthwise the remaining paper portion of the filter until you have a something of a postage stamp-sized piece of paper.
Step four: Take this remainder of the cigarette butt, and roll it between your thumbs and forefingers, until you have a very small tube about 2 mm in diameter. do not roll it too tight; assure that it is actually hollow, as opposed to a tightly wound up wad of paper. Likewise, do not roll it too loose in such a manner that it unfurls itself.
Step five: Taking a pack of cigarettes, pull the outer plastic packaging down about 1/2 an inch from the cigarette box, and put it on its side, as seen below:
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: \ \ SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING \
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Step six: Light up a cigarette, and puff furiously on it, or have someone else do the same. Rapidly continue to tap the ash off, until the burning portion is shaped into a sharp point. When this is done, very lightly and quickly burn the smallest hole into the top portion of the plastic wrapping. It, also, should be no more than 2-3 mm.
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: \ \ SMOKING CAUSES CANCER \
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Step seven: Insert the previously constructed paper tube into the hole. It should sit about halfway inside, half outside, and should not touch the bottom of the actual cigarette package. If you've done everything right, the paper should fit snugly:
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: \ \ BUT YOU'LL DO IT ANYWAY \
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Step eight: Finally, light the outer portion of the tube and let it burn for about three seconds before blowing it out to extinguish the flame. Note that the paper itself will still continue to slowly smoulder.
If you have done everything correctly, you will soon see a slow and steady, apparently viscous stream of white smoke pour down like a waterfall, into the bottom portion of the plastic.
I won't attempt to illustrate it here , but it is, of course, at this point, that the bar trick's moniker becomes most readily apparent. Perhaps, however, you might reiterate the name of the trick to your audience.
This one takes a bit of practice, so fine tune it yourself until you get it working well. Also, this bar trick obviously takes some preparation time (about three to five minutes). This being said, don't try to draw all the attention to your hands all the time. Just like any magician, you'll want to lend some sort of distraction. Ask those surrounding you if they'd like to see a trick, but then fill in the time with a story or anecdote to pass the time. In doing so, you'll get the conversation going well, and then will be able to cap it all with a good laugh. Finally, remember to eventually extinguish the burning tube completely, either by removing the outer plastic wrapping, or simply by suffocating it by retracting the plastic sheath.
Oh, and go wash your hands afterwards. You've been playing with cigarette butts, you sick fuck.