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I’m short. No one is impressed by a short girls in high heels. It looks like you’re trying to fool people and who are you fooling? You’re still short. Now, if I was a tall girl, if I was 6’1”, I’d have on high heels all the time. Tall girls in high heels look supernatural, like goddesses. Every time I see a tall girl slouching and wearing flats I want to slap her. “You lucky bitch! Do you know how good you’ve got it!” That’s rude, I know, but that's what I want to say.

My best friend in high school was tall. The tallest girl in our class; heck, only two or three of the boys could beat her in the height department. She hated it. “I’m too big,” she’d say. But I’d tell her how cool I thought she was. I was the shortest in the class, the runt; she was the real woman, the goddess. I convinced her to put on some heels at this dance once. Four inch heels. She was 6’6” in those things and when she walked in the whole place looked up in amazement. She got so goddamned popular she wouldn’t talk to me anymore. But that was okay, she was destined for the sky.

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