I AM MAD.
I am hurt.
I think that we often expect certain things of our friends – and I think that we should be able to.
Last night was my best friend’s twenty-first birthday. It was a really big deal. I was very excited to get to go out to the bars with him… finally. Earlier in the week, we set plans. I told, not one, not two, but three different times that I could not go out with him tonight, because it was his birthday and I wanted him to do what he wanted.
We spoke several times in the last few days. We spoke earlier tonight. “The Plan” was to have him call me between 9:30pm and 10pm and we would figure out driving stuff from there.
8:30pm – Last time that we spoke.
9:00pm – I leave my friend’s house to go get ready.
10:00pm – After spending a half hour on my hair, ten minutes on makeup, and twenty minutes getting “the perfect outfit” together, I am ready.
10:15pm – I sit at my desk making a Birthday Card.
10:30pm – I sit in the living room making him a homemade gift.
11:00pm – I finish the gift and start writing him a letter about how special our friendship is to me.
11:30pm – Still no word, I call his room. No answer… I leave a message.
11:45pm – I turn on SNL.
Midnight – A random person who I know pops by and tells me that I “look all ready to go out.” I explain how I have been for two hours.
12:15am – My best friend is two hours and fifteen minutes late. Random guy takes me out to the bars.
12:30-1:30am – I try to enjoy myself but am too hurt.
1:30am – I come home and reflect on next year*.
*Next year I am moving away from this area. My “best friend” had previously told me that he does not think he will be visiting me… even if I buy him airline tickets. He does not like people doing things like that for him.
3:00am – I feel sad and worthless.
6:00pm – He Instant Messages me. First, we will ignore the fact that it is 6pm the following day (twenty and a half-hours after we were supposed to get together). He tells me he’s sorry; he tells me he was an ass; he tells me he didn’t think. I say as little as possible. After a bit of prodding, I say something about how hurt I was. My feelings are left invalidated by his “I don’t know what to say” line which is repeated throughout the conversation.
In the end, I let my hurt come out with a passive aggressive question. He logs off, saying “forget it... we'll talk about this after you calm down.”
I again feel abandoned in this friendship.
I guess, I am supposed to suck it up and be a “good friend.” However, this is one time where I don’t think my hurt should magically go poof!, to make him feel better about himself.