Hey, it's
true! For example, I was born in
Abilene, and I weigh over
300 pounds (all of it
muscle, of course), and yet I am only
six years old.
Still don't believe me? Okay, you've seen all those
Western movies, right? You know those
horses you see
John Wayne riding? They're actually
chihuahuas. No, really! If they used
real horses, the
Duke (a mere
Californian) would have appeared too
puny next to the
Godzilla-sized ponies.
You've heard of
Southwest Airlines, right? Based out of
Dallas? Those
planes are actually hollowed-out
mosquitoes. Yeah, no fucking kidding. It took my
grandmother a whole three hours to
hollow one of those
skeeters out, but she's been
slowing down ever since her 136th
birthday.
I know you probably prefer to disbelieve everything we tell
y'all, but that's
okay. We make
allowances for the comparatively
tiny brains of
bitter Yankees.
Vote me down, will you? I should crush you beneath my mighty elephant-skin boots, human worm...