I can see by your cat that you are a cowboy.
Alternate caption by gnarl: Training for his bowling career was difficult in Jet-Poop's youth.
"The end of self-doubt is the beginning of hubris."
/me misses sensei
/me misses Hermetic
/me misses grundoon
/me misses dannye
/me misses Demeter
/me misses disgruntledwren
/me misses WolfDaddy
/me misses Ouroboros
/me misses Gritchka
/me misses junkpile
/me misses stand/alone/bitch
/me misses wharfinger
/me misses deep thought
/me misses Jallak
/me misses Jinmyo
/me misses moJoe
/me misses WonkoDSane
/me misses RainnStarr
/me misses enwhysea
/me misses Dai-un
I've been here a long, long time and can answer many of your questions. Please feel free to ask.
Hey, do you like comic books? Do you like noding about comic books? Then you need to join the e2comix usergroup!
Hey, do you like movies? Do you like noding about movies? Then you need to join the e2film usergroup!
Hey, do you like horror? Do you like noding about horror? Then you need to join the e2horror usergroup!
Hey, do you like science fiction? Do you like noding about science fiction? Then you need to join the e2scifi usergroup!
Hey, do you like funny stuff? Do you like noding funny stuff? Then you need to join the e2humour usergroup!
Hey, do you live in Texas? Do you like noding about Texas or planning gatherings here? Then you need to join the lonestars usergroup!
Hey, do you like playing the City of Heroes MMORPG? Then you need to join the e2heroes usergroup!
I am the wielder of the Knapsack of Destruction. It is my voice that speaks for the Incredible Hulk and the Forty-ton Tentacled Turtle-Bat. I am the summoner of Mighty HOROGODOR, Horrific Pink Pony of the Apocalypse. I live in a tower on the moon. My team is Team Jet-Poop.
I've written some stuff I think is pretty neat:
Biography: Forrest J. Ackerman | Judge Roy Bean | Dan Blocker | Ray Bradbury | Milton Caniff | Captain Kangaroo | William Castle | Darlene Cates | Nicolae Ceausescu | Cochise | Jack Cole | Bessie Coleman | Giles Corey | Ann Coulter | Criswell | Julie d'Aubigny | Daffy Duck | Margaret Dumont | Will Eisner | Felipe Espinoza | James Reese Europe | Larry Fine | Bill Finger | Gardner Fox | Archie Goodwin | Johnny Gruelle | Dr. Corrydon Hammond | Harald Hardradi | Jonathan Harris | Rutherford B. Hayes | George Herriman | H. H. Holmes | Curly Howard | Robert E. Howard | Howlin' Wolf | Carmine Infantino | Molly Ivins | M. R. James | Richard Jewell | Stan Jones | Raul Julia | Boris Karloff | Coretta Scott King | Jack Kirby | Paul Krugman | Joe Kubert | Laika | John Raymond Legrasse | Fritz Leiber | Jack Lemmon | Al Lewis | Val Lewton | Lozen | Arthur Machen | Lee Marvin | Chico Marx | Keziah Mason | Russ Meyer | Mojo Nixon | Fred Phelps | Richard Upton Pickman | Porky Pig | Ludvig Prinn | Jane Randolph | Alex Ross | Ed "Big Daddy" Roth | Eric Rudolph | Le Comte de Saint-Germain | Charles M. Schulz | Julius Schwartz | John Seigenthaler Sr. | Joe Simon | William Archibald Spooner | Dick Sprang | Bram Stoker | Peter Stumpf | Koko Taylor | Uncle Sam | Vampira | Victorio | Friedrich Wilhelm von Junzt | John Wayne | Manly Wade Wellman | Dirk West | Max Yasgur | John Zacherle
Blasphemy: Everything King James Bible | "getting to know you in the Biblical sense" nodes | A Pact with the Devil | Requiem Aeternam | The terrorists have already won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's! | They hit each other, like fucking Christ intended! | Two is company, two and a deity is a crowd
Books: The Awesome | The Ballad of Black Tom | Binti | Carmilla | Carnacki the Ghost-Finder | A Closed and Common Orbit | Dandelion Wine | The Desrick on Yandro | Doc Savage | Dreadnought | The Dunwich Horror | The Elf on the Shelf | The Gashleycrumb Tinies | Ghost Stories of an Antiquary | Horrorstör | Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief | The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet | Mask of the Other | Meddling Kids | The Mirage | Mr Brown Can Moo! Can You? | The Night Wire | Ordinary Horror | Pigeons from Hell | Random Acts of Senseless Violence | The Refrigerator Monologues | The Screwfly Solution | Solomon Kane | Spacelore | The Supernatural Enhancements | The Three Investigators | Violet McDade and Nevada Alvarado | Wearing the Cape
Comedy: The Adventures of Micro Hippo! | Arguments for the Perceived Impending Invasion of Earth by Atomic-Powered Killbots from Planet X | Ask moJoe : Advice for the Criminally Confused | Bag of Crushed Child | Boots that will induce a mindfuck | chicken-fried bunny | Everything Rumors | The False Team Jet-Poop | February 14, 2004 | "getting to know you in the Biblical sense" nodes | Jet-Poupon | Kiss your pants goodbye, Evil One! | Paul Krugman | Mace Windu is a Bad Motherfucker | marketing plans for fish scented deodorant | masque of the red death animation | Molotov mocktail | Mo-Ron | The most dead-eyed Everythingian | orbital sheep launcher | Potemkémon | psychedelic hoochie-koo | psychotropic bananas | Resurrect Daniel Faulkner | John Seigenthaler Sr. | The sequel to Se7en | The sluttiest girl scout always sells the most cookies | The terrorists have already won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's! | They hit each other, like fucking Christ intended! | turning moJoe into a jar of lemon-flavored pickles | Two is company, two and a deity is a crowd | wrapped in barbed wire and shot into the sun
Comics: All Star Superman | Amalgam Comics | The Amazing Screw-On Head | Axe Cop | Baron Mordo | Batman | Beasts of Burden | Bizarro | Buster Brown | Captain America, Traitor? | Comics | Dork Tower | Duncan the Wonder Dog: Show One | EC Comics | Edwin Jarvis | Empowered | Fin Fang Foom | Gast | Global Frequency | The Goon | Green Lantern | Green River Killer: A True Detective Story | Groot | Heroes | Huck | I Kill Giants | The Incredible Hulk | JLA Issue Guide | JSA: The Golden Age | Kiss your pants goodbye, Evil One! | Linus Van Pelt | the little red-haired girl | The Losers | Male Call | Marvel vs. DC | Mary Marvel | Milestone Media | Ms. Marvel | My Friend Dahmer | Nancy | Neonomicon | Nextwave | Nocturnals | Orbiter | Plastic Man | Power Girl | Pride of Baghdad | The Pro | PS238 | Red Robin | Relish: My Life in the Kitchen | Rocket Raccoon | The Sandman | Sisters of Mercy | Squirrel Girl | Steve Canyon | superhero | Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane | Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen | Terry and the Pirates | Thunderbolts | Tomb of Dracula | Top 10 | The Treatment of Female Characters in Superhero Comic Books | The Ultra-Humanite | The Umbrella Academy | Uzumaki | V for Vendetta | Vampirella | Werewolf by Night | Wizard magazine | The Yellow Kid
Fiction: Always Dreaming | boo fuckity hoo | Disneyland in the rain | evil spider woman | The fire behind their eyes died slowly and silently until nothing but the shells remained | For Sale to Loving Family | Heavy Weather in the City of Dreams | Matt Kane Overleaps the Gorge of Death | The King, Multidimensional | King of the Roxy | Leonard Bartholomew Draconis | Lynchburg Lemonade | Philosophus Stone vs. the Vampire King! | Why I did what I did | The world breaks everyone
Film: The Adventures of Robin Hood | Army of Darkness | auteur theory | Bag of Crushed Child | Barn of the Blood Llama | Beetlejuice | Blue Velvet | Blue Velvet Drinking Game | The Bride of Frankenstein | The Cat with Hands | Dagon | The Day the Earth Stood Still | Donovan's Reef | Dracula | Forbidden Planet | Freaks | Fright Night | Ghostbusters | A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night | The Haunting | Hellboy | Invasion of the Body Snatchers | This Island Earth | Jaws | Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter | King Kong | The Maltese Falcon | The Manchurian Candidate | Mansquito | Matinee | Night of the Demon | The Night of the Hunter | The Phantom of the Opera | Plan 9 from Outer Space | Santa Claus Conquers the Martians | Session 9 | The Specials | Tales of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" | Tarantula | Termite Terrace | To Kill a Mockingbird | What's Eating Gilbert Grape | What's Opera, Doc? | What We Do in the Shadows | Who Framed Roger Rabbit | The Wolf Man
Geography: Eastern New Mexico University | Garden City, Kansas | Lipscomb County, Texas | Lubbock, Texas | New Mexico | Perryton, Texas | Portales, New Mexico | Recycled Books, Records and CDs | Roswell, New Mexico | Sacramento, New Mexico | University of North Texas | Why I like New Mexico
Halloween Horrorquests: The Blood is the Life: A Frightful Halloween Quest | I Will Show You Fear in a Handful of Text: The 2005 Halloween Horrorquest | The Night's Plutonian Shore: The 2007 Halloween Horrorquest | Necronodecon: The 2008 Halloween Horrorquest | Pickman's Nodegel: The 2009 Halloween Horrorquest | Ten Years of Terror: The 2010 Halloween Horrorquest | The Nodegel from Yuggoth: The 2011 Halloween Horrorquest | Children of the Night: The 2012 Halloween Horrorquest | 13 O'Clock: The 2013 Halloween Horrorquest | No More Room in Hell: The 2014 Halloween Horrorquest | In the Nodes of Madness: The 2015 Halloween Horrorquest | Grisly Ghouls from Every Tomb: The 2016 Halloween Horrorquest | We All Float Down Here: The 2017 Halloween Horrorquest
High Weirdness: 23 | The Amherst Poltergeist | The Axeman of New Orleans | The Beast of Le Gevaudan | The Bell Witch | Big Bird | Borley Rectory | Discordianism | HAARP | High Weirdness | Holy Grail | Illuminati | Jersey Devil | Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief | The Lubbock Lights | Ogopogo | Philadelphia Experiment | Slender Man
Horror: The 13th Hour | Amnesia: The Dark Descent | Autumn Straw | The Ballad of Black Tom | The Blacke Asylum | Bloodybones | clockwork automata | Cyclopean | Danse Macabre | Delta Green | demonic entity | The Desrick on Yandro | Destini's Pony | Dream Log: May 11, 2001 | Dream Log: October 23, 2006 | The Dunwich Horror | Editor Log: October 31, 2000 | For Sale to Loving Family | Ghost Stories of an Antiquary | The Giant Pumpkin Murders | The Goddess of the Black Fan | goth in a chevy | The Greifswald Werewolves | Halloween | The Haunted Crick | The Hook | Hound of Tindalos | The King of the Cats | Krampus | John Raymond Legrasse | Little Red Riding Hood | Keziah Mason | Massa di Requiem per Shuggay | My rotting sweetheart | Neonomicon | The Night Wire | November 12, 2002 | October 23, 2004 | October 25, 2004 | Ordinary Horror | La pasión de la Llorona | Richard Upton Pickman | Pigeons from Hell | Ludvig Prinn | Requiem Aeternam | Science and the Undead: Frog Dissection at Highland Junior High | The Screwfly Solution | Shub-Internet | A Simple Method for Enchanting a Magic Whistle | Slender Man | The Steer Called Murder | tcho-tcho | Tell me a story about brains | Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima | Tomorrow's Girls | True Detective |Uzumaki | Vampire | Friedrich Wilhelm von Junzt | weep | werewolf | zombie
How-To's: How to send e-mail and not look like a dork | How to Take Group Photos of Children | palming a coin | racquetball
Inside Everything: April Trolls Day | Assimilate your goldfish into Everything | Dannye Boy | Dem Bones, Acid Master of Everything | Editor Log: October 31, 2000 | Everything Editor Logs | The Everything Editor's Job | Everything King James Bible | Everything Rumors | Everything | The Everything2 Ten-Year Anniversary Contest for Fun and Awesomeness | The False Team Jet-Poop | Favorite Everything Quotes | February 21, 2013 | "getting to know you in the Biblical sense" nodes | Jet-Poupon | May 22, 2006 | Note to self: Ignore the troll | The most dead-eyed Everythingian | Node for the Ages | Rewriting the Front Page Blurb | When Jet-Poop Nuked Guest User | Why I love Everything2
Lies are Fun: arsonist | Bag of Crushed Child | bahohonebukd | The Blacke Asylum | The Goddess of the Black Fan | Hand of Glory | He ran over my cousin with a motor home! | hoop snake | I can eat a bicycle! | I lost my uvula in the war | Jackalope | Kiss your pants goodbye, Evil One! | Paul Krugman | John Raymond Legrasse | Lynchburg Lemonade | Keziah Mason | Massa di Requiem per Shuggay | Richard Upton Pickman | pine | Ludvig Prinn | John Seigenthaler Sr. | Shub-Internet | tcho-tcho | Tecumseh's Curse | Tomorrow's Girls | Friedrich Wilhelm von Junzt
Metro City Chronicles: Atlas and the World | Atlas Drugged | Atlas Returns | Atlas Underground | Star Treatment | Star Search | Star Observer | Hybrid Vigor | Hybrid Amok | Hybrid Identity | Gamma Blast | Gamma Whirled | Gamma Time | New Squid on the Block | L.A. Squid | Release the Kraken! | Hazy Shade of Winter | Ice Screams | Winter Olympians | Express Delivery | Trouble Express | Spaceship Express | Cobra Strike! | Castle Cobra | Chrome Princess | Calypso Dawn | Calypso High | Calypso Blossoms | Curse of the Defender | A Nightmare on Defender Street | Scream, Defender, Scream! | Gearbox Activated | Gearbox Overloaded | Gearbox Demolished | Phantastic Phantasmo | Phantasmo High | Phantasmo Menace | Phantasmo Diablo | Oh Come, Oh Come, Polyphemus | Polyphemus the Red-Nosed Reindeer | God Rest Ye Merry, Polyphemus | The Penitent Man Will Pass | The Penitent Man Will Serve | The Penitent Man Will Struggle | The Penitent Man Will Rise | Hot Rod Lincoln | Life Is a Highway | Dead Man's Curve | Fly Me to the Moon | The Silver Stones of the City | The Silver Spire of the Mind | The Silver Shards of Madness | The Silver Strings of Life | more to come | ... It's a Wrap!
Music: The 13th Hour | Cop Killer | Danse Macabre | Dethalbum | Guns N' Roses | Massa di Requiem per Shuggay | Metalocalypse | New Horizons in Music Appreciation | praise music | The Rainbow Connection | The Road to Hell | Strange Fruit | Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima | Verdi Requiem
Personal Stuff: Alumni Website Follies | August 9, 2016 | Blackrazor | bourbon and root beer | Dream Log: May 11, 2001 | Everyone has a dead bird story | Feeding my Haunted House Habit | A Few Thoughts on an Incidence of Low-Level Virality | Forgetting | goth in a chevy | The Great Halloween Dummy Caper | How I allowed craven cowardice to ruin my life | How I survived the Great Conclusion Jump of 1995 | The Hub | July 18, 2012 | Letter to a Dead Dog | May 22, 2006 | Misery | Mundanity | my encounters with camels | The Reaper and the Horizon | September 11, 2001 - II | September 11, 2002 | Martha Stewart | Stories from my Grandmother, Part 1 | Stories from my Grandmother, Part 2 | Stories from my Grandmother, Part 3 | Tales of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" | The Voice of Thunder | Why I gave up on anarchy | Why the college fraternity and sorority system is ridiculous | The world's geek population makes me weep with despair and frustration
Politics: Captain America, Traitor? | Fake Geek Girl | Family Friendly Libraries | Fears and the Future in Post-Sanity America | flag burning amendment | Friedman unit | Here come the jackals | liberal media | Once you have tasted flight: In defense of manned space travel | A Pact with the Devil | partisan politics | Posting the Ten Commandments in schools | Rampant mass consumerism is so evil. Hey, can I have a sip of that Frappucino? | September 11, 2001 - II | September 11, 2002 | September 11, 2003 | truthiness | The Windy Man
Pomes: Beachcombing: August 1989 | Beautiful Full Moon | Black Stone Hill | By morning I will have erased all traces that I was ever here | Dream Girl | Envelope #4: Deserted | The Goddess of the Black Fan | The grace of a thousand reptilians | The Haunted Crick | Horrorshow | In your presence even my shadow acquires the sensation of touch | Magic in the World | Meteor Shower | My Basement's Filled with Corpses | The Nodegel from Yuggoth: The 2011 Halloween Horrorquest | one true love | Rain of Frogs | Requiem | Salvage | Satanic Zombie Cyborgs Meet the Unholy Girlfriend | Secret Message | Sex Goddess | A Snarl in the Darkness | Spiral #1: Awake | Spiral #2: Walking | Suburban Blight | You Are Not Being Fair
Miscellaneous: autumn | bedroom eyes | Break a leg | Christmas ornament | Damn Skippy | deviated septum | full court press | gibberish | grill | gunsel | The Hair Bear Bunch | Homicide: Life on the Street | lies are fun | Mad Libs | MM | October | Paranoia Agent | rat terrier | Red Summer | September | skeptic | Terra Nova | trampoline | The Trouble with Tribbles
iceowl says: "Nipsy Russell in a shopping mall with a winnebago... goddam. I'm still laughing. You deserve a fucking pulitzer prize for that one. Where the hell is the Nobel committee? Gimme a ph. I gotta call Sweden, tell 'um you da man."
jessicapierce says: "LOCAL BIZZZNINTCHESS ALL SAY WORD TO THE POOP, YO TO THE JET, SAY HO! CAN I GET A KRUNK KRUNK MACKITY SMACKINS"
wertperch says: "...It isn't often that a piece of writing really spooks me. You managed it. I shall probably have nightmares tonight! ... *shudder* Never write anything else like this again. Ever."
Focus says: "I was serious about all that negative XP making me hot..."
ideath says: "badass and totally right. who do you think you are, speaking truth so much?"
RainnStarr says: "...even when I don't feel well, you can always make me smile..."
Big Alba says: "WHAT IN THE HELL IS THE POINT IN THIS CRAP? It is not factual, it does not provide any information, AND ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. I would request for a nuke, but I know I would not get it heeded, so I just say this: I spit on your node, it is a blight on E2."
Habakkuk says: "Jet-Poop: A modern day Johnny Appleseed only stickier and with more court appearances."
Roninspoon says: "Jet-Poop is the kinda guy that takes and creates an entire imaginary world around it, complete with buildings, individuals and personalities. Occasionally, he shares them with us."
allseeingeye says: "also, i gotta say, the photo on your homenode looks exactly like vs. Spy guys from MAD without the hat."
Vice_hkpnx says: "I finished reading ((Writeup X)) and glanced over to see my dishes were magically washed. I kid you not, it was that good."
TheDeadGuy says: "You are indeed mad, and so are we all, here, have a blanket for the coming storm. May it serve you well."
WolfDaddy says: "Oh, gramps, I just love it when I get to sit at your knees and you tell me stories about the olden days. Would you close your robe, please?"
Crux says: "Mr. Poop, you're dirty."
XWiz says: "Much to the disturbance of the people at the bank opposite my window I have just thrown my arms in the air and shouted 'Jet-Poop, you are a babe!' with bizarre intonation. ."
Roninspoon says: "Jet-Poop is a seeping flesh wrap of decomposing fish innards. Also, I suspect he may secretly be a Republican."
allseeingeye says: "I dub thee JIMMY, PRINCE OF LIES!"
Lucy-S says: "Have I told you lately that you rock?"
thefez says: "I ABANDON MY QUEST FOR THE PRESIDENCY AND THROW MY REGIMES SUPPORT TO YOU"
mauler says: "I thought you might like to know that your writeup in defense of space exploration has just been awarded 'mauler's coveted Best of EverythingTM Awards!'"
kthejoker says: "So when is your book on postmodern horror criticism going to be available?"
radlab0 says: "You know, even if it turned out that you were sixteen obese midget mimes in clown costumes, there would still be something kinda hot about you. I just wanted you to know that."
Jallak says: "It could not be with more pride that I report that when BOCC was shown at the Titular Head Film Festival tonight, all of the dialogue was completely inaudible over the booing and heckling. My only regret is that, unlike the movie before it, nobody hurled a chair at the screen."
Bitriot says: "Jesus fuck, man. Oh my God. If you weren't some dude over in Texas I'd profess fucking love right now."
Chras4 says: "HAHAHAHA, you are the jalepeno in the nachos of e2."
WolfDaddy says: "JESUS CHRIST YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! You also have the most mellifluous radio voice I've ever heard. How you can have other is quite beyond me, as mellifluously scaring the shit out of someI'll never ever have."
darl says: "You just impelled some'I see what you mean' in the cbox. You win all the prizes."
Chras4 says: "There are nights I could just sit here with a bag o popcorn and just watch and laugh at the poopian antics, this is true."
Donginger says: "Jet-Poop: You are wang of love and joy."
wertperch says: "You are consistently humorous folk I knows anywhere on thar interwebs."
Kizor says: "I've been playing UFO: Aftermath lately. It's a competent, though unexceptional, strategy & squad combat hybrid. It has the option of renaming soldiers. You were with the Council of Earth ever since the remaining mankind emerged from their shelters. You took part in storming the UFO the Council used to acquire teleportation and become more than a regional warlord. You were field-testing the plasma rifle, the first workable human-alien tech hybrid, when several swarms of bioengineered insects skeletonized you. Artman2003 and Moosemanmoo caught less of the cloud and survived. Sorry about that."
Devon says: "Jesus Christ. You're still putting out shit that's either a) fucking insane, b) fucking brilliant, or c) fucking both."
Kizor says: "It may, in theory, interest you that the weapon your UFO: Aftermath counterpart died testing was adopted as the default weapon of his unit. It speeded the push for a military foothold in Tripoli and Casablanca, which in turn allowed for the deployment of effective countermeasures against the horrible carpet of alien flesh that had eawas about to hit the Mediterranean. Good show."
Clockmaker says: "BLESSED IS YE CHICKEN; YE KNOW IT BY THIS TOKEN: THAT IT COMETH SOMETIME IN YON BUCKETT. SPEAK THOU OF THE CHICKEN ALL THY DAYS, AND PARTAKE OF IT OFTEN, SO THAT IT MAY FORTIFY THY MASS! FOR THY LORD IS A FAT LORD, AND ALSO A VENGEFUL GOD, FOR LO, HE IS STUCK IN HIS CHAIR"
IWhoSawTheFace says: "I see that through some oversight on your part that you have not included me on your list of quotes that laud your name. Well here it is sir: 'Jet-Poop is Master of Time, Space, Religion, Power, and Women's Undergarments. Therefore, respect him!'"