Akward.
I've never actually been to a stand up comedy show before, and never really had the urge to go. But, lately I've been going out and doing things with my friends and they got free tickets... So I figured I'd go. It was a trip. I had fun... And laughed my ass off.
Of course, there's a but here. I had fun, but the ex-girlfriend came along - btw, i'm using titles like that only to avoid mentioning names, I don't really think of her as my ex. That in and of itself wasn't a problem, but it complicated a situation that's existed for a few weeks... And believe me, it's complicated. But... Only in my head. Anyway... I was sitting for a few hours with the ex on one side, and my friend on the other. Of course, the one on one side wanted to make physical contact with me - we've been very, very close lately. The other pretty much had her back to me... It was very, very akward for me - but it helped me understand things alot better.
Basically, my prediciment is really simple...
On one side, I've got the potential for a full-blown relationship with all the physical fun and experimentalism I could want. On the other, I've got someone I care deeply about but absolutely no chance of a relationship.
Oh shit.
The phrase deer in headlights comes to mind. What do I do? Do I satisfy my hormones and get into a relationship that will probably distance me - maybe even detach me - from someone I actually have feelings for? Do I stick with my emotions and use sheer will to keep the raging hormones at bay - and miss a rare opportunity to be that close to someone?
God, this situation sucks... I'm beginning to care about the ex. Intimacy does that for me, and I don't take lightly what's going on between us. I realize she's going way out of her way to get this close to me, but is it really that far out of her way? Or is she just going through a lonely time?
Oh well. I keep comming to my decision. Every hour or so, I'm like "YES! This is what I need in my life."... But it always changes. And why should I ditch on that relationship with the ex if the other doesn't care either way? How could I leave the ex like that after all that we've done? Do I really mean anything to the one I care about, or is it a lopsided relationship, or is she just cold and distant because . . . Arrgh.
It's just a little bit of history repeating
Chaos at it's best, destiny at it's worst.
In other news, I made it to work earlier today! w00t. I'm l33t.