Guide to determining if you are constantly being mauled by bears (idea)

Egyptian rat screw	Continuously attacked by bees	Where are those polar bears getting all that Coca-Cola?	Eleven sentences about boiled tongue
The Bear FAQ	The most elusive type of problem in a C program	The Jew, The Italian and The Redhead Gay	I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor
Jamming a pair of scissors into your crotch repeatedly	Things you would bring with you if you were ever invited to shower with jessicapierce	Meme Spread Vector: Beach Ball	How to build a theft-proof lawn gnome
A teddy bear deity bestowed upon me a curse of apathy	The Diamond Age: Or, a Young Lady's Illustrated Primer	mountain biking	Stop hesitating over the tip
General advice for preventing attacks	Things that I learned from reading erotic stories involving latex	How I nearly killed myself masturbating	HOT DAMN! An E2 gathering in Ohio?!?!!
The first bear I ever saw	Bureau of Zombie Management