I am not happy.
But, I can't put my finger on it.
I should be fine, I can't find a reason for my sadness.
I was sick all week, but I still dragged my boy to see 'Hannibal' (good movie). I should be happy, because this morning I was actually feeling decent, and not choking on phlem for once. I think that green stuff from my lungs has finally made me quit smoking for good.
Though I'd love a cancer stick right now...
Making love while on your period, on top of a white blanket seemed like a good idea this morning. Though I think the stains look pretty, I wished for once I drew in color, it would be a challange to draw the blood stains in charcoal.
I am not happy.
In fact I think I am going insane, though I suppose if I was I wouldn't think of it. I told my boyfriend to leave the room cause I wanted to be alone. But when he left, I got lonely and called him back. This node isn't making much sence but at least I feel like I am organizing my brain into little compartments based on dates of the week. I don't write enough anymore, nor do I draw. I am however constantly thinking up more and more creative things I want to do to human flesh, though I don't think it would be legal -- Yeah, seeing "Hannibal" last night wasn't a good idea. I guess if one doesn't have a creative outlet, they will turn on them selves. Or those they love, and use them as a canvas for their bottled emotions. But, spinning webs of drama has always been my specialty.
I called John last night, yes, 'the boy that will always have my heart tomorrow' and told him I was in love with someone. He apperantly, broke it off with Laura to try to get back with me. Ahh, such perverse pleasure from hurting. Though I never made him any false promises.
Aaron e mailed me again this morning. Aaron hates the person I love, and somehow, I am suppose to care. Does he really thing that we are that good of friends that his opinion matters? All my good friends hated everyone I ever dated until Jason, doesn he think his one vote will make me change my mind?
This node is becoming a rant, but I feel like if I go back to proof read, it will not be a pure stream of conscience anymore, so I am just going to leave it here to get downvoted to hell for lack of content.