We were walking alongside a frozen stream in a deep winter forest. The ice on the stream was thick but clear and beneath it, inviting pools of light could be seen. She pulled me to her and we laid down in the deep snow. We weren't cold. She began to kiss me and she softly stroked me - I knew I didn't deserve this. She was slow and gentle and I began responding. It wasn't a sex dream - it was a love dream that included sex. She climbed on top of me and I was inside of her again.
I began weeping - I opened my heart to her like I could never do in the waking world. I took her compassionate, patient lovemaking to be a sign that we could reunite. I was overjoyed to be given this second chance and my shame at how I had treated her was washed away by this new beginning.
I understood for the first time how the wretched could become born again in the eyes of Christ. She knew why I was weeping. She held me close as she rocked back and forth, healing me with her loving. She felt like she had years ago when we still made love. Before I turned my own self-loathing against her. And I loved her back as a whole person and not as a selfish pleasure stealer.
I awoke then and thought that this was a message telling me that maybe my future held some hope. But then I heard the song "Moving On" playing on the New Age digital music channel and I began weeping for real because it was then that I realized that what the dream was really telling me was that what once was could never again be.