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Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum is one of the most famous straight white male directors in recent history, and his recent passing marks yet another blow to the already diminished ranks of straight white male directors in America. Now, I have made a few movies featuring women I dosed with drugs and cajoled into doing "things" they later regretted a lot, but I am well aware of the bias against straight white male directors that isn't being addressed today. Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum led the movement to get more exposure for straight white male directors, and had been writing an editorial for White Pride Monthly about the lack of interest in biographies of straight white male directors in the literary world today when he stroked out on the fifth floor of a rural hospital.

Interesting stuff, you must agree. If you don't, I will force you to. I am not kidding about this, runt.

Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum was born on January 7, 1925 to Albert and Vivian el Nostrum Nostrum of El Paso, Texas. They were shopkeepers trying to keep alive a minority owned (straight white male) business in western Texas with the people and the government turned against them. After his father was shot by the Texas Rangers (an equipment manager was later blamed) and his mother was taken into the statehouse to be beaten into submission by agents working against straight white male owned businesses (later killed and thrown into a dumpster by livery workers), Elvaard took to the hills and formed what is ostensibly known as a "white street gang," forced to hide under white hoods as they did good deeds throughout the south.

These things had an impact of Elvaard and many of his award winning movies revolved around themes of white pain and white abandonment by the government. His first film, Why Can't I Get a Card Game in New York City (1942) dealt with alienation in a new way. Unable to find any straight white men in New York City, the masculine white lead has to settle for playing cards with cripples and immigrants, lowering his value to society and forcing him into factory work for the rest of his life. Elvaard's follow-up, Goddamn, I Enjoy Urinating on Savages (1951) had a lot of humor, but also addressed these issues in a non-apologetic way. He was given a dinner party and secret award by Senator Joseph McCarthy for his heroism in releasing "Urinating on Savages" despite objections from 92% of America. He stood his ground, got it released, and had it turned into a television sitcom (althought it was cancelled after three episodes aired).

He made a lot of advertising films in the late 1950s before the 1960s came along and forced him into making films in color. While he did not like color, preferring to show the world as it really was, in black and white, Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum warned us all ahead of time that if we put color in movies, then color would eventually invade real life and the real world. As he feared, by the late 1960s, the entire world had become colorized, re: Technicolor took over.

In 1969, Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum released perhaps his greatest film Fucking Tired of This World Being In Color in which he expressed the distress of many older Americans, who had only recently adjusted to the world going from sepia to black and white, and were now forced to contend with a colorized world thanks to the "gloves and condoms off" approach of Hollywood through American history. Sickmaking. I personally puked when it happened. Most of you are probably too young to remember when the world was black and white.

Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum was blacklisted through the 1970s and 1980s because of his rants against the world being in color, which he delivered from the lap of the statue in the center of the Lincoln Memorial while masturbating. This was his form of protest, and it was shut down. And yet... the hippies? Why was THAT allowed to continue? You figure it out. Liberal media bias.

Elvaard el Nostrum Nostrum grew more bitter later in life and at one point gnawed his own arm off as a political statement after the election of 2008. He said some things we're no longer allowed to "say" (wink wink - we have a secret together now). He spent most of the remainder of his life in a small padded room in upstate New York

What as waste of great straight white male talent in an age where everything is changing and there are so few movies made by straight white male directors. Usually it is just some tokenism through which they exploit the suffering of straight white men for jokes and slapstick gags. Sickmaking.

May he rest in peace.