display | more...

In my drive to stop time traveling and making problems by fucking with the anals of history, your friend Behr (me) is looking into other business ventures. I want your capital to invest in these opportunities. Pick one or more and send money. First level buy-ins are $70,000 with a family option scoring high on the Standard and Poor ratings at $140,000.

I'm looking into starting Human Breeding Farms in which I can kidnap and force humans against their wills to fuck in wet lava pits while having mud and shit and corn feed thrown at them. This looks like a good option on the early buy-in. I do have the stomach for what is involved in breaking these people to my will and forcing them to be double-jointed through use of machines of an industrial nature circa World War II Greece so I could make a definite profit in this growing sector of America's now completely unchecked capitalist paradise. You won't believe what I can do with unused assholes. I make them work for me.

In the 1970s I had a subscription to Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men and then they went out of business in 1992 after Donald Trump (who became president for still undetermined but definitely not legal means) bought them. Now, I was a former supporter of Donald Trump (the president, not the failed 80s businessman) but then had a talk with a noder who told me some EYE OPENING THINGS about Mister Trump. I also learned that advocating murder, genocide, torture, and human rights violations was not a positive thing for me to be doing. I am working to change all that so please forgive me.

I want to start publishing Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men and I am going to need front line investors. Send me a check for a ground floor buy-in at the list price of $70,000. This will give you a spot on the line to buy stocks if we ever decide to go public (or go into production at all). Checks will not be refundable. They must also be uncancellable checks for obvious reasons. This magazine was filled with photos of completely naked men reading magazines in which naked women were pictured. It was great. There is a lot of call for this sort of thing. Get involved with me now on many levels.

Last year I had a plan to build a theme park in my neighborhood. To do this I had to take over the property of neighbors through the act of eminent domain but I was shut down. This was not a good opportunity and I would not recommend neighborhood theme park construction as a line of work to go into. If you are looking to get into a line of work, I have brochures on most sensible career choices. These brochures are $70 each. You can wait for them to arrive in the mail but they never will. It is something you can look forward to.

My friends.